today
is a day
my heart won’t forget…
I had been in the hospital three days
In preterm labor
Our little one of 24 weeks
was hour glassed
attempting to make an early entrance
Doc had made every attempt to stop labor
Medication
Tilted my bed
head down for 3 days
And yet
we were still progressing
Doc had a friend in a town an hour north
Who he considered “the best” when it came to preemies
Doc’s friend had access to the best Neonatal Unit in this part of the country
So on this day
Nine years ago
We headed north via ambulance
Doc considered helicopter
but was concerned the air pressure would cause my water to break
So he made the arrangements
I held my breath
Half the town prayed
My childhood friend, who worked on OB
was off that day
yet she loaded in the back of the ambulance with me
Not as my nurse
but as my friend
because that’s the kind of friend she is
she barricaded my womb with pillows
reassuring me
in the calmest of tones
the whole way
Love drove himself
I held my breath
When we arrived
They whisked me to a tiny room with lots of monitors
My family and closest friends beat me there
The hallway was full of people
Full of love
All praying
Hoping. Waiting.
Doc’s friend ran some test
and without delay said it was critical to my health to induce labor
Infection was on the way
Induce? Are you sure? We’ve been trying to get labor stopped?
All the while
the little fighter inside of me
Was fighting
Within minutes I was on my way
to the stainless steel
cold
delivery room
Love and Precious on each side of me
Everyone holding their breath
Doc’s friend said babies at 24 weeks can survive and do well
Our little angel, Karson Elizabeth
didn’t.
She passed during delivery
It all happened so fast
They took her
Love and Precious stayed with me
We all stopped holding our breath
and began to weep
It was late
Midnight or after
Yet the halls were fuller than they had been before
Full of people
Full of love
I was in a fog
I was sad
Love was mad
And that’s okay.
Some of our family held her
Other dear friends bought her a dress and a blanket
And another dear friend made arrangements to bury her
Love and I just sat alone
in our tiny room
and cried.
And that’s okay.
We said we would know her and see her in glory
And we will.
I share this story
With a not so happy ending
because
This story is one of our stories
We all have stories
I share this one because
I don’t believe in accidents
I believe with all of my heart and soul Romans 8:28 “That all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes”
I share Karson’s story because by God’s AMAZING grace
Love and I didn’t become bitter
He made us better
Which leads me to the question?
“Has your story made you bitter? Or better?”
Thanks for allowing me to share my heart
I would love to hear more about your story
Feel free to post in the comment section or connect with me via Twitter or Facebook.
goodnight
:O)K
I am sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Karson Elizabeth is a gorgeous name. Beautiful post. Bitter or better? I like that and it’s something I am continually working on. Thank you for sharing with us. ((HUGS))
Thanks Whitney for reading and taking the time to comment. My dad actually came up with her name. It’s the first 3 letters of my name and the last 3 letters of my husband’s name. A special name for a special girl :O)
you know my story, it has made me better, stronger and happier than I could ever imagine and through all these years you have been my friend all along the way! I love you! Thank you for sharing your story and being there through out mine!!
Jr. high to feed stores..who knew? 20 plus years and our friendship is going strong..Love you LOTS
Love you friend! You were on my mind all day yesterday, thoughts of that time, thoughts of Karson. Didn’t get a chance to hug you today, but want you to know i love you and thanks for always being real! Big HUGS!
LOVE you too..Thank you for your faithfulness through the years. I am blessed to call you “friend”