earlier in the week I shared a little more of our story
in a collaborative post at A Royal Daughter
in efforts to encourage those still walking through the valley of infertility…
and for those of you who have been so kind
to invite me
to share our story with your church family or women’s groups
or for those of you who have been a part of our close knit support system
bear with me as I share this story with those who may not have heard it…
*********
I was a control freak.
I still battle the demons occasionally
but not like I used to…
in my struggle to control my life
I learned many, many things
#1..know when to hold em’ and know when to fold em”
shy of standing on my head
I tried everything
while we were “trying” to grow our family
and actually I need to retract the above statement
“shy of standing on my head”
because at one point during our journey I spent 3 nights in the hospital
with my bed tilted like an abandoned seesaw
head south, feet north
in preterm labor
Doc hoped the manuver would save her
it didn’t.
grief stricken
and MAD
after our second stillborn
I began reading a book given to me by a dear friend
Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow
my #2 FAV BOOK OF ALL TIME
various stories from women
on their journey to contentment
in it author states “true contentment is a holy place”
I agree.
I was barely into the second chapter when I had my first
MOMENT OF IMPACT
she tell the story of two monks:
both wanted an olive tree
each were given a branch
the first monk did everything he knew to do to nurture his branch
watered it, fed it, protected it from frost
and yet
it died.
the other monk
gave his branch no special attention
and his branch
flourished
when the first monk asked the second
“what did you do to get your branch to live?”
he simply replied
“I entrusted it to it’s Maker.
Thou has made it and thou doest know.”
Those words
branded my heart
and I’ve never been the same
in that moment
I folded.
I surrendered
my control
my body
my womb
to my Maker
“Thou hast made me and thou doest know.”
it was then
I determined whether the Lord ever chose to bless us with a baby
or not
I was His.
to use however He chose
His surrendered vessel.
and you know what??
I’m glad I did.
because now, looking back
it was exactly what He wanted me to do
all along.
|
|||
This hits close to home. Thank you for sharing. The hardest part for me was having had one successful pregnancy when I was 19 and not ready, and then not even being able to conceive at all when I was ready. He waited for me to exhaust all possibilities medically and come to a place where it was Him and me. God’s timing is perfect.
Amen Elizabeth! His timing is perfect :O) Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
This is a beautiful post, Karmen. I had one stillborn daughter and five miscarriages. God is so faithful, even in our most difficult times.
Thanks Jennifer..Life is tough, but God is faithful. I praise Him for rescuing me from the dark night of my soul..