tonight
the sisters and I (NO MEN ALLOWED)
 had a hen party 

our topic of discussion:
PARENTHOOD
and the challenges 
of each new phase 

which brings to mind 

 a statement I read from a friend today :
“no one can ever prepare you for parenthood…”

I agree.

on any given day
these two 
little 
ROWDY


rascals 
 make Cowboy Dan and I 
 laugh so hard our bellies hurt..
and so mad we want to SCREAM out loud..
and so PROUD we feel as though we may BURST

and even though 
parenthood
 is hard
and some days 
exhausting

I just can’t fuss too long
before I find myself
thinking back 
to the 
many
many
 nights I pleaded these words

Then [Hannah] made a vow and said, “O LORD of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life…” 
1 Samuel 1:11

 many, many nights 
those exact word…

longing to be a mother

I shared in a post earlier this year
 my first Mother’s Day 
after we lost our little Samuel  
at seventeen weeks.

I was SO sad.
Very,very sad.

We went to church with my mother that day.  
A pastor friend was making announcements 
& spoke briefly of mothers.
 I remember thinking to myself
 “not sure I am ready for this..” 
and in that moment (lost in my pitiful thoughts) 
I was taken by surprise as this friend of ours 
 now standing in front of me
handed me a rose and said “Happy Mother’s Day.”

 immediately.
the ugly cry

On the way home that day I prayed 
“Lord, don’t let me forget”

and then 
the next year 
with the news that we were expecting again
full of mixed emotions
THRILLED
yet cautious
we made it 24 weeks 
before our daughter, Karson
was born
perfect
just too small…

 so tonight
I remember..

and choose to say

THANK YOU
THANK YOU Father 
for my ROWDY rascals
I am honored YOU 
chose ME 
to be their
MOTHER


Ecc 3:1 For everything there is an appointed time, and an appropriate time for every activity on earth:3:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot what was planted; 3:3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 3:4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. 3:5 A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 3:6 A time to search, and a time to give something up as lost; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; 3:7 A time to rip, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak. 3:8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.





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4 Comments

  1. What a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your story and encouragement. May we all learn to celebrate the gifts we have, without growing angry or bitter over what we don’t.

    1. Well said Natasha! Thanks for stopping by :O)Praying God will be glorified with our efforts of sharing His grace through our stories.

  2. Hi! I’m part of the collective post with you at Royal Daughter. So nice to “meet” you! I know that must have been such a difficult time for you. I have been through a loss, and it was one of the most challenging, painful things that has ever happened to me. Your two little ones are beautiful – blessings to you!

    1. Hi Amy! Thanks for stopping by. It’s nice “meeting” you as well. Praying God will be glorified and others will draw nearer to Him through our stories. I am humbled and honored to be a part of this collaboration.

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