The Baby -Part 1

by Karmen |

I praise The Lord she didn’t abort him. I praise The Lord she tested clean -meaning no drugs in her system and mostly for being a woman brave enough to say, I’m not in a place where I can provide for him.

I was home packing and preparing the teen who had been with us for a couple of weeks to return home when his caseworker said, “Hey, be watching your phone. They know your house is about to be empty.” The dust had barely settled in the driveway when I heard my phone.

“Hey, we’ve got a baby being born. It’s likely to be a long-term placement. Are you willing?”

Even though she said, “..long-term” placement I didn’t let the words settle in because none of the others had been. The baby, if we took it, would have been the 34 or 35thchild to stay with us in just under two and a half years. So, the words “long-term” didn’t carry a lot of weight.

Next, I did what I do when DHR calls-I called my husband at the feed store.

“Hey babe, DHR called and said they’re going to have a baby ready for pick-up soon and want to know if we’re interested. Are we?”

“Is ____ gone?”

“Yes, he’s been gone about a half hour.”

“A baby is a lot. This is our peak season at the store so it will mostly be you, babe, but I guess I’m game if you are?”

He didn’t say no. Why didn’t he say no?

“The parking lot if full. I’ve got to go. It’s up to you babe.”

Up to me.

Ding.

“Hey let me know what y’all decide. I’m going to have to keep calling.”

I wish I had timed how long it was from the initial call and then her text but my best guess is there were about fifteen minutes in between.

“Hey, yes. We’ll take the baby. Is it a boy or a girl?”

“I’m not sure. I think it’s a boy. I’ll let you know but it will probably be ready to be discharged from the hospital by noon tomorrow. The caseworker will be in touch with more details”

“Okay. Thanks.”

After we hung up I grabbed the broom and headed toward the room that just an hour ago was home to a teen. I needed to lift the window partly because I smelled feet but mostly because I needed a breath of fresh air.

A baby. A baby? Are we ready for a baby and not just a baby but a newborn? The youngest placement we had had was nine months. We’d done a week of respite (which is rest/or help for another foster family) for a six-week-old baby boy but that was short-term.

My nervous energy had kicked in. I stripped the bedsheets and cleaned the room in record time when I found myself standing staring at the walls.

This little room has seen me through my greatest sorrows and joys.

It was the room I had prepared for our Samuel, and then the next year for Karson who neither made it home from the hospital. It was the room that saw sorrow transformed into joy when we brought home our precious Tucker. It was the room that had become a haven for the many and varied children in need of a safe place and it was soon to become a nursery again.

Now, what does a baby need?

My ‘baby’ was nine almost ten so it had been awhile.

Let’s start with something to sleep in and something to wear.

I sent a group text to my sister, MIL & a friend from church. In just a few moments The Lord had lined up all we would need.

One thing FOR SURE God has used fostering to show me time and time again -the body of Christ works best when it works together. No way could we or any one of us in a solo effort meet the needs of the many and varied kids but together it is truly amazing!

The boys were ecstatic when they heard we were getting a baby. Our afternoon at the store and then home on the farm kept a quick pace much like it does this time of year when the afternoon becomes evening and finally night.

The next morning, I took the boys to school, hurried back home to tidy up before heading to the feed store to reset and rearrange the flowers for the day. I had a meeting scheduled later that evening to finalize details for a vintage pop-up shop that I had planned to attend after I picked up the baby.

The baby.

It’s funny that it’s taken me a whole year to write this post about the baby that changed everything. I know, I know, that’s sounds so cliché’ but it’s also very, very true. For those of you who have biological children, you have weeks and months to prepare. We nest and decorate and have baby showers and get tons of stuff we never use. We’re anxious, excited and scared to death and we have lots of time to sort through it all but with fostering everything is different…especially fostering to adopt.

I’ll spare you the wacky details that transpired once I got to the hospital. It was very Jerry Springer but that’s another story for another day or never.

It’s taken me a long time to choose the words that best describe what happened when I first saw him.

Blameless, precious, new.

I weep at the words but that’s the beauty of the Gospel.

Out of respect for all involved, I will keep the hospital conversation exchange tucked in quieter places but I can tell you from the moment I first held him and breathed him in I knew he was a part of us.

Happy first birthday Baby J. You are chosen. You are cherished. Now forever & always.

We LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to ALLLLLLLLL of you who have helped us by praying and providing for baby J’s needs THANK YOU!!! A gazillion thank-yous!

Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus! THANK YOU for loving us so well.

We pray God blesses you for blessing us!

Love,

He left and I couldn’t stop crying

by Karmen |

Maybe a sip of water will help.

The lump rising in my throat caused my voice to crack, “Yeah. Sure, we can meet at the store later this afternoon.”

Another unexpected-all-to-sudden departure.

Foster care. I love it and hate it with all of my heart. Truly.

Last night from the porch while the frogs at the pond sang us a song I rocked that sweet baby to sleep and heaven felt so near. It’s those little moments of peace and hope that keep me from quitting.

When he left this afternoon, I couldn’t quit crying. Maybe it was because he’s a baby or maybe it was because he wouldn’t quit smiling or maybe it was the third goodbye in less than 12 hours. Who knows why? I texted the placement supervisor and case worker for two of the three kids we’ve had this week, “Three goodbyes in two days is too hard. We’re going to need a few days for our hearts to heal.”

It hurts. Bad.

We bring them in, set up their area, give them a tour of our home and farm and welcome them to their “right-now-home-sweet-home.” Some stay a few days, others a couple of weeks or few months at best. During training, it is clearly stated and often said the ultimate goal is to reunite the children with their parents or people as soon as possible and I get it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

If one more person asks me, “Don’t you get attached?” I may snap.

OF COURSE, WE GET ATTACHED!

IS this thing on? Can you hear me now?

YES!!! WE-GET-ATTACHED!

Then why keep on? Why continue fostering if you know you’re going to end up hurting?

Because once you know, they’re out there and are in need of care you can’t NOT know.

It’s sobering really how much I thought I knew about fostering having taught public school but as it turns out, I know very little. Nine months and 19 children later I have observed and made notes of these things:

Every case, every face, every story so unique and very similar.
Hugs are a universal language.
Stuff: excessive toys, a plethora of shoes, clothing and or tech gadgets are not necessities. They are luxuries.
A warm shower, clean bed, and kindness go a long way.
Always say goodbye and leave on good terms. Life can be up on its head in a moment.
I thought through fostering we would and could change the world one child at a time. What I have experienced through fostering is that children are often the best teachers, and I have much to learn.

J and I, with head and hearts still reeling from the week, were talking before bed when he precisely expressed how I felt.

“It’s like a little death when each one leaves. Like a little part of us is gone.”

Yes.

Death.

It is nothing new nor is it a respecter of persons. Many of you have walked through the valley, and the shadows before as have we.

Even my Savior was not exempt.

Good Friday is the day Jesus died for you and me. Good Friday is the day I delivered our oldest son after years of barrenness and loss. It is a day I have grown to respect, cherish and hold dear only this year was different. Deeper. Heavier. Much heavier. It held both weight and wings. Waking to celebrate Tucker’s 11 years of life and ending with a heartbreaking goodbye to a little one we loved like our own.

It would be easy to quit. It would feel better to close our doors and say no more. We could play it safe, love them less and silence the ringer on our phones. We could stop believing that it matters and doubt that God is working all things together for good. We could.

“When belief in God becomes difficult, the tendency is to turn away from Him but in heaven’s name to what?” ~G.K. Chesterton

…but in heaven’s name to what? That’s my favorite part.

..”to what?

The word what brings to mind a few more questions:

What IF it does matter?

What if we are making a difference?

What if this was the best week of that child’s life?

What more can we do to let them know they are loved?

What could we do to help them hurt less?

So what if caring is a risky business?

What if death is the beginning of a new life?

Yes.

I say a BIG FAT Y-E-S to all of the above.

What will you say? And before you say you can’t please consider what you can do as you read through some of the things others near and dear to us have done. We could not do it without help. Again to your question, “How do you do it all?”

Quite simply, I DON’T.

We don’t.

There are LOTS and LOTS of people in our family and community who have helped.

Consider these from just this past week:

One sister came and held the baby and chatted with the new kids on the block while I did paperwork and talked with case workers.
Mother cooked us supper the night the three extra children arrived while I got their belonging settled.
A brother-in-law mowed our yard because it needed it. One of our boys broke the key off in the ignition of our lawnmower. #benearmeLordJesus
Dad let us borrow his suburban because our car is not safe for a family of seven.
Another sister bought some snacks and personal items for the girls.
A local church rallied together and made basic care packs for foster children. They then blessed us by sharing items the children needed.
A friend gave me a shoulder to cry on when the last one left us just five days later.

See? Foster care is not a solo mission. I didn’t write this post for sympathy or a pat on the back. It isn’t about me. I am using what God has given me, this space for His honor and glory. I share these stories as a reminder-It takes us all. I hope you’ll say yes and get involved some way somehow because life is better when it’s lived together.

Oh, and when DHR calls again, and they will, we will say yes. We will say hello and goodbye, we will laugh and cry, and finally, I will wipe the warm tears and know that I’m alive.

Happy Resurrection Day!

P.S. Because it’s fitting and my favorite poem on the planet…. I read Risk for the first time while in college. I copied it, laminated it, cut it out and hung it by my desk and read it every single day that I taught public school. I have it in the front of my calendar now. I hope it pierces you in the way it does me each and every time.

Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose your feelings is to risk
exposing your true self
To place your ideal, your dreams before a crowd
is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return

To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure

Yet risks must be taken
Because the greatest hazard in life is risking
NOTHINGThe person who risks nothing
Does nothing
Has nothing
Is nothing

An Update & Answers to Frequently Asked Questions

by Karmen |

“The distraction. We live in a distracted culture….Multitasking is our new moral imperative.”Yes, and thank you IF: Equip writers for the morning reminder! And yet, I fear (for me but maybe you too?) many of us dabble in many things and are disciplined at nothing.

Where should we begin? Maybe with the trendy hashtag #thestruggleisreal.

The struggle to write. The struggle to keep up or get ahead. The struggle to be content. The struggle to lose weight. The struggle to write. The struggle to focus. The struggle to simplify. Did I mention the struggle to write?

Today is a new day. Thank God for His new mercies that are new every morning! It’s Monday, warm enough to open the doors and listen to the birds so, let’s get caught up.

We’ll start with some of your most recent or frequently asked questions:

“Is your farm for sale?” Yes. If you are looking to buy a 33-acre farm with a pond, two barns and a house that is move-in ready, please feel free to view the farm on Zillow dot come or email for more details.

“Why are you selling?” We have prayerfully considered selling the farm since I left teaching almost five years ago. We have a sign in the yard, and we are we surrendered; to, however, the Lord wants this to play out. We truly are content to go or stay.

Are we leaving the farm for the foreign mission field? No, not right now.

Are we still fostering? Yes. Recently over a 10-day period, we had seven children in and out of our home. The needs are great. Overwhelming at times. I pray as you read this if you sense the Holy Spirit prompting you to get involved that you will be obedient. Everyone can do something. I praise the Lord for the many of you who have come alongside us to love those whom Jesus loves.

Am I still writing a book? Yes. I am going back to She Speaks (writers/speakers conference sponsored by Proverbs 31 Ministries) in July. My hope is to meet with publishers who would be willing to publish our story. We covet your prayers.

What is The Summit and how can you help? It is a 12-month faith-based recovery program for women struggling with life controlling issues. If you or a loved one needs help or wants to volunteer you can learn more by clicking HERE.

In other news~

Ladies, YOU REALLY know how to throw events!! Seriously. What a joy and sheer delight it has been over the last few weeks to come and speak to your conference and ladies groups meetings. I love hearing your hearts and sharing burdens. God has used many of you to answer my prayers. From the bottom of my heart to the top of my curly head THANK YOU for allowing us to come and for sharing #PrayBig with your people!

The boys and the cowboy (who had a birthday this month!) are doing their part to keep things interesting on the farm.

Are you following our family circus on Instagram? If not, come on over and join the party @blessingsbrnyrd. Last week in an Insta-story we shared where one of our cows got her horn hooked on a limb just before a thunderstorm. The debacle involved a chainsaw, the cowboy and ended without bloodshed. And all of the people shouted HALLELUYAH!

Friday we adopted a mustang yearling from the BLM. We named him Nevada because that’s where he came from and I feel confident he will be the new fav in the #adventuresoftuckandjake on Facebook. Today we loaded and said farewell to our nearly 500-pound boar because we are expecting a litter of piglets any day now. A sidenote: our ducks think they are chickens and our turkeys are bullies.

Come follow along! There’s always something new to see.

From here, we could discuss a couple of random conversations I’ve shared with one or both of our boys over the last few weeks on topics such as the short name for a man named Richard and where and when that word is appropriate or not

OR what kind of milk they drank as babies before they drank cows milk and where it came from OR what the middle finger means BECAUSE ADOLESCENT BOY CONVERSATIONS ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT AT HEART!

Next, at Fort Payne Feed & Garden we are getting cranked up, and are R-E-A-D-Y for spring if we could get Alabama weather to cooperate. We got word last week that the Duck Dynasty crew has named VICTOR dog food “The Official Dog Food of DUCK COMMANDER.”

Did you know we are the only store in our town who carries VICTOR dog food?? Our little fat dog, Shiloh and our customers’ dogs LOVE it! Drop by for a free sample if you’re in our neck of the woods.

Annnnd if you are one of the millions of people who LOVE Chip and Joanna Gaines and their authentic, wholesome HGTV show, Fixer Upper, you may have noticed her obsession with fiddle leaf figs. She stages one in every episode, and we carry them at our store. They are low-maintenance house plants and great if you want to add life to a room.

If you missed our herb class at the store a couple of weeks ago-NO WORRIES, you can take a sneak peek HERE and make a note now that we have another class APRIL 15th! Gardening 101 will be at Fort Payne Feed & Garden @10 in “Karmen’s Korner.” (My newest classroom! It is where we will be hosting a variety of classes and this classroom just-so-happens to be staged with antiques that are for sale!) We are thrilled to have another master gardener coming to present Gardening 101. He will be discussing the different ways to plant and care for your basic garden veggies because you don’t have to have a tractor or 40 acres to grow a garden. Our dear friend Alice, from Alice Circle, will also be there to help you with lettering and labeling your garden goodies. Stay tuned to our FPFG’s Facebook page for more details. Your support of mom and pop shops like ours matters!! When you #shoplocal, you are helping sustain local communities & WE ARE GRATEFUL!

Finally, saving the best news for last. These two little darlings are my youngest nieces.

They have asked Christ to forgive them of sin, confessed Him as Lord and surrendered their lives to Him. Yesterday they followed Christ’s example in believer’s baptism. It was a glorious day to be with family to celebrate new life in Christ.

Until next time dear friends may you, and yours be found more faithful than fearful!

Much love,

P.S. Share in comments a praise in your life or how we can #PrayBig for you

5 NEW YEAR Questions for You to Share with Friends

by Karmen |

We barricaded the living room entry with a recliner. Determined to have some post-holiday, HAPPY NEW YEAR-adult conversation with our friends. They have four children, and currently, we have four children who bring us to a ROARING 8 when we are together which is anything but calm but oh-so-necessary.

Surely we aren’t the only parents who have considered a barricade? Now before any of you, helicopter moms get in a tizz..we could see over the recliner into the dining room where the girls were dressed as princesses (at least I think that’s what they were shooting for) while they played baby in between dance-party breakouts and playing kitchen with lots and lots of Play-Doh. That is, when they weren’t running for cover and SCREAMING because of sudden Nerf attacks, hovering drones or RC gadgets running amuck.

After pizza and wings, and redirecting a couple of monkeys who attempted to climb over the recliner barricade we were alas able to share some quality conversation with our dear friends. (Side note->because of my brain..but if you haven’t read Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist, I HIGHLY recommend it. The title was enough for me. For too long, too many of us have worried whether or not our houses or outdoor spaces were acceptable, polished or Pinterest-y enough to share with friends. I broke up with that way of thinking. Thanks, Shauna) Meanwhile, back on the ranch my Rainbow vacuum broke way back in October, a new one hasn’t been in the budget; it’s firewood time which means lots and lots of wood debris, dust and lest we forget we live on a farm, so there is NEVER an absence of various manure tracks throughout the house. Deep breath. And another deep breath because it’s OKAY! Real friends hungry for authentic connection couldn’t care less about the condition of our floors or mantle, which is why we’re friends.

Thankful for friends and my dear, dear husband for entertaining my request to have such reflective heavy-at-times-just-a-wee-bit awkward and hilarious conversation. We chatted through various topics such as their vacation to Disney, to public restroom etiquette and finally, some thought-provoking questions that I found on the internet (thanks, Holley Gerth dot com).

The list of questions was longer than we have time for but I wanted to share five of my favorites as well as my two cents which as it turns out is exactly what it’s worth. I hope you will share the questions with your friends because you should. It’s fun and funny. They are great conversation starters. We have since discussed them with our small group, and I went through them with another friend whom I consider a gem as well as my mom and sisters too! So, without further adieu’:

What went well for you this year?

We saw a slight upswing in 2016 at our little mom and pop feed & garden, so we shouted HALLELUYAH! Thank YOU, Fort Payne and surrounding areas for shopping local and for loving our family so well. (If you’re not local and you want to know more about what we do visit our website –> www.fpfeed.com )

#PrayBig the journal and the movement has done exceedingly and abundantly more than I would have ever dreamed. THANK YOU, JESUS. I’ve loved meeting ALL OF YOU, hearing your hearts and it is my honor to pray with and for you! I am looking forward to another great year!

http://www.thebeancounter.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/iStock_000065269525_Double-630x315.jpg

(photo from Google image)

What did not go well?

When our first foster placement was taken and placed in another home. He left us forever changed, and he will never be forgotten.

When did you feel the most exhausted or drained?

Numbers. Anything with numbers makes me tired and cranky. Numbers and anything remotely akin to numbers makes me lethargic and puffy. I think I’m allergic. No amount of milk chocolate helps. Just no. There will be no numbers or accounting or QuickBooks in heaven. Amen.

When did I feel most in my “sweet spot?”

Other than the obvious of being with my tribe at the beach of course with my low-rider beach chair in the sand where the surf meets the shore my “sweet spot” would be when I’m encouraging you. Whether that is at the local coffee shop, the jail, your living room, fellowship hall or a stage. I never tire of speaking of the faithfulness of God and exhorting you to #PrayBig because with my whole heart I believe when you #PrayBig things happen!

What did God teach me that I want to live out this year?

It’s easy for me to tell others to believe in the faithfulness of God, not to worry or fear because He cares and is Lord over all, but I often struggle to believe my words. I somehow believe it for you, and I REALLY DO but then, when I get in my car, or I find a quiet place at home, or I’m upstairs at the store, I doubt. I doubt and end up dancing with fear and worry when it comes to my personal stuff. And I hate it! In 2017 I am determined to be done with doubt. Jesus and I have already been talking through these things over the last several days, and I’ve told Satan to take the train. I’ll keep you posted.

There were other questions like what did you say “no” to and wish you had said “yes” and vice versa? What do you want to do differently or the same? But too many of those questions got a little too close to the subject of exercise which is something I’m not ready to talk about yet. I am thinking about thinking about it because I know my Barbie friend, Tammy wants me to think about it and I will turn 40 this year. In no way is turning forty a big deal except that it is, and I’m going to try not be a selfish brat and talk too much about my birthday in June because that would be silly because grown women shouldn’t get all wacky about a birthday except that I am but we can talk more about that later. Because it’s only 156 days until my birthday according to Google. Not that anyone is counting.

Oh happy day,

P.S. But just in case…and this P.S. note is mostly for my family or close friends to remind my husband and children. #winkwink