all of the sudden I was uncomfortable in my own skin…
has that ever happened to you??
it happened while I was mowing the yard
the sun was shining after six days of much needed rain
chickens were scurrying about searching for the fresh weeds
the herd was refreshed
one rascal farming in the mud
while the other frolicked around the pond after the puppies
Cowboy Dan was at the store
all was well…
so why the lump in my throat?? why the sudden urge to squirm?
mowing is to me what a counselor’s couch is to others
and so I began
“Lord what is this about? what’s this feeling?”
each lap around the house made me more keenly aware of the unsettled within
“what is it????”
the yard was finished but still no answer
I began to weed eat…
listening intently over the humm of the motor for “the voice”
my mind flashing about to the countless blessings all around me
I piddled in the yard for a couple hours more
in and out of the flowers
searching for more than faded blooms and dry stems
still…no answer for the unsettled spirit within me
evening became night and then it was morning
I woke and began to pray
“Lord what are you up to? what’s this all about? this stir”….and then it came…
the familiar increase in momentum within that happens
when He’s calling me to act…
I’m scared & yet I can’t get there soon enough..
I began to whisper
“take my hand…”
“write YOUR story using my life..”
“I know you know what’s next..”
more questions: “Can one be too blessed? too healthy? too thankful? Will you please help me see as you see? hear as your hear? love and you love? really. Will you make me aware of needs around me? help us give more? Do you want to do more with the store? Are you going to use it to “enlarge our territory” as we continue to pray in chorus with Jabez? can the store be a ministry? how can we use the seeds we sell to feed the hungry? spiritually & physically hungry
until my journal page was full
by the end
the answer: subtle and incomplete
as if I’m playing the “your getting warrmer, warmer, you’re HOT, no, you’re cold” game
yet, it’s not a game.
so I’m still listening..
friends, may I ask a favor of you?
pray for me.
wisdom & discernement
“if any of you lack wisdom, ask Him…”James 1:5
and for the faith & grace necessary to be
for whatever, where ever, whenever
“Choose to love the Lord your God and obey him and commit yourself to him, for He is your life.” Deut. 30:20
ps..(don’t y’all love a “ps”) where or to who do you turn to when you need help with “what next?”