"the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory"

it’s

and tonight

I’m honored to be part of a collaborative post inspired by my sweet friend Amanda at A Royal Daughter

Praying God will be glorified

others encouraged

and grateful for the truth

proven true in my life

“the harder the battle the sweeter the victory’

Amanda asked us to share a lie we believed while walking through the valley of infertility.

I was convinced:

*****

“I was broken. ‘My body doesn’t work right.’ Month after month. Year after year.

I started taking birth control pills at the ripe old age of 15 after going 110 days without a period. My maternal grandmother died of uterine cancer at the age of 39. My mother was concerned. My doctor assured us the pill would ‘straighten me out.’

Six years later my husband and I were ready for a family. I came off the pill and had two normal cycles before the lie began to grip me. My cycles were sporadic. My hormones were crazy. Never knowing when or if I would start or what days were ‘best’ to ‘try.’

My prayers became pleas. I begged the Lord ‘Please make me work right.’ Emotionally shaking my fist at the Lord. ‘You made me this way.’

Finally, four years later on the highest dosage of Clomid our prayers were answered. I was PREGNANT! WOOOHOO!

We made it seventeen weeks. Our precious son, Samuel was born perfect. Just too small.

Doctors advised me to cycle 3 months before ‘trying’ again.

This began the ‘dark night of my soul.’

I was mad. I didn’t want to wait. I wanted a baby. Bad.

More Clomid. Progesterone. Herbs. Wild yam.

I took it all. I was broken and needed something to ‘fix me.’

Spring of the next year and five test to be sure. We were expecting again. This time, we made it twenty four weeks before our Karson was born perfect, just too small.

Can we go through this again? the pain. Disappointment. loss??

Scared out of my mind… we began ‘trying’ again.

All the while

the lie,

‘you’re broken…your body doesn’t work right.’

When finally, while on bed rest during our third pregnancy I read:

Romans 4:19-22

‘And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore “it was accounted to him for righteousness.’

My heart began to bleed…

‘He did not waver at the promise of God…being fully convinced that what He had promised He was able to perform.’

In that moment, I surrendered my doubt.

The lie, loosened it’s grip.

As I prayed, ‘HE IS ABLE.’

The truth set me free.

At last, I felt whole.

*****

I praise Him tonight

for the opportunity to share our story with others who are hurting

“the harder the battle the sweeter the victory’

Romans 4:19-22

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