The Baby -Part 1

by Karmen |

I praise The Lord she didn’t abort him. I praise The Lord she tested clean -meaning no drugs in her system and mostly for being a woman brave enough to say, I’m not in a place where I can provide for him.

I was home packing and preparing the teen who had been with us for a couple of weeks to return home when his caseworker said, “Hey, be watching your phone. They know your house is about to be empty.” The dust had barely settled in the driveway when I heard my phone.

“Hey, we’ve got a baby being born. It’s likely to be a long-term placement. Are you willing?”

Even though she said, “..long-term” placement I didn’t let the words settle in because none of the others had been. The baby, if we took it, would have been the 34 or 35thchild to stay with us in just under two and a half years. So, the words “long-term” didn’t carry a lot of weight.

Next, I did what I do when DHR calls-I called my husband at the feed store.

“Hey babe, DHR called and said they’re going to have a baby ready for pick-up soon and want to know if we’re interested. Are we?”

“Is ____ gone?”

“Yes, he’s been gone about a half hour.”

“A baby is a lot. This is our peak season at the store so it will mostly be you, babe, but I guess I’m game if you are?”

He didn’t say no. Why didn’t he say no?

“The parking lot if full. I’ve got to go. It’s up to you babe.”

Up to me.

Ding.

“Hey let me know what y’all decide. I’m going to have to keep calling.”

I wish I had timed how long it was from the initial call and then her text but my best guess is there were about fifteen minutes in between.

“Hey, yes. We’ll take the baby. Is it a boy or a girl?”

“I’m not sure. I think it’s a boy. I’ll let you know but it will probably be ready to be discharged from the hospital by noon tomorrow. The caseworker will be in touch with more details”

“Okay. Thanks.”

After we hung up I grabbed the broom and headed toward the room that just an hour ago was home to a teen. I needed to lift the window partly because I smelled feet but mostly because I needed a breath of fresh air.

A baby. A baby? Are we ready for a baby and not just a baby but a newborn? The youngest placement we had had was nine months. We’d done a week of respite (which is rest/or help for another foster family) for a six-week-old baby boy but that was short-term.

My nervous energy had kicked in. I stripped the bedsheets and cleaned the room in record time when I found myself standing staring at the walls.

This little room has seen me through my greatest sorrows and joys.

It was the room I had prepared for our Samuel, and then the next year for Karson who neither made it home from the hospital. It was the room that saw sorrow transformed into joy when we brought home our precious Tucker. It was the room that had become a haven for the many and varied children in need of a safe place and it was soon to become a nursery again.

Now, what does a baby need?

My ‘baby’ was nine almost ten so it had been awhile.

Let’s start with something to sleep in and something to wear.

I sent a group text to my sister, MIL & a friend from church. In just a few moments The Lord had lined up all we would need.

One thing FOR SURE God has used fostering to show me time and time again -the body of Christ works best when it works together. No way could we or any one of us in a solo effort meet the needs of the many and varied kids but together it is truly amazing!

The boys were ecstatic when they heard we were getting a baby. Our afternoon at the store and then home on the farm kept a quick pace much like it does this time of year when the afternoon becomes evening and finally night.

The next morning, I took the boys to school, hurried back home to tidy up before heading to the feed store to reset and rearrange the flowers for the day. I had a meeting scheduled later that evening to finalize details for a vintage pop-up shop that I had planned to attend after I picked up the baby.

The baby.

It’s funny that it’s taken me a whole year to write this post about the baby that changed everything. I know, I know, that’s sounds so cliché’ but it’s also very, very true. For those of you who have biological children, you have weeks and months to prepare. We nest and decorate and have baby showers and get tons of stuff we never use. We’re anxious, excited and scared to death and we have lots of time to sort through it all but with fostering everything is different…especially fostering to adopt.

I’ll spare you the wacky details that transpired once I got to the hospital. It was very Jerry Springer but that’s another story for another day or never.

It’s taken me a long time to choose the words that best describe what happened when I first saw him.

Blameless, precious, new.

I weep at the words but that’s the beauty of the Gospel.

Out of respect for all involved, I will keep the hospital conversation exchange tucked in quieter places but I can tell you from the moment I first held him and breathed him in I knew he was a part of us.

Happy first birthday Baby J. You are chosen. You are cherished. Now forever & always.

We LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to ALLLLLLLLL of you who have helped us by praying and providing for baby J’s needs THANK YOU!!! A gazillion thank-yous!

Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus! THANK YOU for loving us so well.

We pray God blesses you for blessing us!

Love,

Let’s chat: Summer, 3 “F” Words & a Birthday

by Karmen |

Dearest friends,

How are you? Let’s catch up!

First, if you are reading this post, you survived May. All the praise hands and KUDOS to you!

Next, let’s discuss summer. Do you prefer planning or a more haphazard-let-come-what-may-approach?

I lean more towards the come-what-may approach but have found as an adult it is helpful if I will plan but then, there’s the follow-through… #goodgrief

The boys and I have already had our first ‘come to Jesus meeting’ because they prefer to stay drunk on fun. I’d love to hear your suggestions in comments on how you balance downtime and the plethora of summer activities.

Now, Facebook Live. I love and appreciate how you help make this space matter and less awkward because for me (even as a speaker)- Facebook Live is awkward. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel like I am talking to myself or if it’s the whole propping-staging the phone on the ironing board at an angle that doesn’t show my turkey neck or deep brow wrinkles. I haven’t justified buying a tripod yet because well, I still weigh it all out.

We can discuss these things and more next Tuesday, June 13th at 9 PM (Central) MARK YOUR CALENDARS for our fourth Facebook Live. We are going to start our discussion of why bad things happen and what to do with suffering. Over the next several weeks I am going to share seven secrets I’ve learned along the way, and I’m anxious to hear your feedback. A lot of what we discuss is going to be in the book I am writing. If you missed the previous Facebook Lives where I am working through the awkward, you could go HERE to view.

Next, yes, the farm is still for sale. We had a lady from Texas this past weekend come and view and we thought it was a goner, but she made an offer on another. We have since my last post drawn lines and now have a mini-farm buying option. The house, one barn, the pond and five acres as an option. Feel free to email me with serious inquiries.

We are approaching our one-year anniversary as foster parents. We have two boys with us right now (thus explaining my absence online). I am looking forward to sharing much of what we have learned over the last year through fostering. Would a Facebook Live or written post be better? Let me know your preference in comments.

Finally, saving the best for last. Babies don’t keep. I know I say it every year because it’s true! Our little boy is NINE today!!!! N-I-N-E. Why must that number sound so grown-y? Why must it be his last year of single digits?? Already??? Why won’t he fit in my lap anymore?

Yesterday we took him to Lake Winnie because he’s asked us to every.single.day.since his last birthday which was exactly 364 days ago. I would not lie to you. (insert wide-eyed-emoji!) So, we took him because we love him not because we love theme parks. You can see his exuberant joy if you follow us on Instagram.

I thanked God this morning for fearfully and wonderfully making our little man so strong, healthy and kind. He is a nurturer by nature, a cuddle bug and had the sweetest tiny voice as a babe. God is doing great things through his fearless faith. He reminds me often through his brave acts not to put God in a box. I am going now to make him nine small pancakes to start his day and leave you with this video of him. We replay it every year on his birthday. Here’s why.

Happy Tuesday,

P.S. I have updated the SPEAKING page and would love for you to make plans to join us if you are in the area or better yet, gather your girls and I will come and join you!

“Thus far” 2016 the BIG year-ender

by Karmen |

“Thus far the Lord has helped us.” (1 Samuel 7:12)

I could not think of a better way to start a year-end post than to share these words from Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman.

“The words “thus far” are like a hand pointing in the direction of the past. It had been a long time, twenty years in all.” (v. 2), but even if it had been seventy years, “Thus far the Lord helped”! Whether through poverty, wealth, sickness, or health, whether home or abroad, on land, sea or air, and whether in honor, dishonor, difficulties, joy, trial, triumph, prayer, or temptation-“Thus Far the Lord helped”!

It’s that time of the year when many take a deep breath and look back.

Tell me friends. How does it look from where you stand? As you glance back over your shoulder are you overwhelmed with gratitude or are glad to call it a wrap?

If I may be so direct as to say, “It’s been more than a heck of a year!!!” As I look back down the dirt road of 2016, I see love and loss, success and failure, laughter and more tears than I’ve shed in several years!

I grew up on a dirt road. My sisters, cousins and I ran barefooted as country girls do. Growing older and learning to drive we’d do our best to dodge the all-too-familiar-potholes. There were a few “potholes” I wish we could’ve avoided this year but then I remember it’s the running barefooted on the rocks, and unexpected potholes of life that make us what we are.

On this last year in my thirties, less is more. So instead of a month by month playback, I’m going to share just 3 areas of our life where we have lived, loved and been AWED by the faithfulness of God:

FAITH

I had heard, been taught and even proclaimed to many the truth of Ephesians 3:20, that God can do exceedingly and abundantly but this year- we have experienced it. He has strengthened and stretched our faith in ways unexplainable. God is His wonder has taken the little 6-week prayer journal, written by a woman scared of punctuation to Honduras, Canada, a women’s prison in Georgia, to the Dominican Republic, and more states than I can count. I hope I never get over it!!

With it, He has birthed a message, a challenge, a movement for His people to #PrayBig. You all have supported us and made my dream of sharing His faithfulness a reality!! You are praying and listening to God. Many of you have learned to plead the promises of God through prayer and have seen the activity of God in your lives. You have seen your laundry list of requests transform into intimate conversations with Jesus!

You have bought “PrayBig” journals, mugs, hats, t-shirts, jewelry and you are sharing them with YOUR PEOPLE! (Pause for a –>SHOUT OUT to Gina Dorough, the salt to my pepper, a Godsend who has graciously traveled with me to all of the places and kept us organized and blessed each one of you with her kindness and selfless service!! I love u!)

We love seeing hashtag #PrayBig online and are overjoyed at how the community is growing! I can’t get over it, and I wish I could hug each one of you and look you in the eye and say, “THANK YOU!!”

Thank you for allowing Him to use YOU to grow our faith. Thank you for sharing your burdens and blessings with me through your emails, texts, calls, and conversations. It has been and is and my great honor to share with you through prayer. I consider it a privilege that you would invite me into the intimate places of your heart. You are loved and lifted up, and I am eternally grateful!!!

Lastly, for inviting me to speak to your women’s groups, your podcasts, churches, camps, your living rooms, Mentone Inn den, prison domes, parks and more. It has been my sheer delight to Skype, encourage, and exhort you in the Lord. He has fearfully and wonderfully made you and has the-most-perfect plan and purpose for your life. If I haven’t yet made it your way or you’d like to get together again, email SOON as we are working on our calendar and scheduling less this year because of area number two…

FAMILY

Just when I think I can’t love them more, I do.

J & I celebrated two decades of marital bliss in October of this year. Yes, that’s sounds cliché’ but for two who are opposites in every way minus our faith and rearing our children blissful is pretty spot on. We didn’t go all out and travel out west or get that getaway for a romantic weekend like I had planned because life happens but instead we enjoyed a quiet steak dinner and was able to share an uninterrupted, quality conversation. That anniversary meal fed more than our stomachs and was more than enough for the day.

To know J, (aka the Cowboy), is to know simple. Honest and upright. Quiet is his favorite. He’d rather be at the barn than anywhere else on the planet. Barn chores are where he finds serenity. Our feed store is where he makes a living. A very engaged father to our boys and now, a father to the fatherless. He was recently humbled having been asked to become an elder at our church. It is my honor to be his wife, now forever and always.

Our boys.

photos compliments of the uh-MAZING Rachel Clarke Photography (now Mrs.Mashburn)

Are you following #adventuresoftuckandjake on Facebook? If not, why? No really, the hashtag started as a joke. In sharing one of the boys’ adventures one day with a woman, she said, “People don’t let their kids do that anymore!”

“We do” was my response as I share the video from my phone.

Boys need to be boys. Boys need to climb, run, hunt, scavenge, adventure, scout, explore, fight, rescue, fix, create, imagine, scream, innovate, pretend, swim, and jump!!!!!! Did I mention ROAR! We don’t own a gaming system on purpose. Before we start homeschool each day on more days than not, I have the boys run a few laps around the pond just because. Best I can tell, boys and dogs (according to the dog guy on TV) have some of the same basic needs: exercise, discipline, affection.

If you are a #boymom and you struggle as we all do from time to time– try this! Get them OUTSIDE, make them run, touch five trees, race back and forth down the driveway or sprint five laps around the house before they get in the car. It helps. I promise. Their teachers will hug you!!

Speaking of thanks, one of my most cherished friend’s, Jeanne Manning, sent our boys a Christmas card. In the card, (which just so happens to be my favorite gift this Christmas) she shared words of love & gratitude for our two superheroes. She encouraged and thanked them for the ways they have loved the new children God has brought into our home which leads me to…

FOSTERING

I had no idea that prayer whispered from a porch in Honduras would lead us here.

I had to take a few deep breaths and wipe a few tears before beginning this final part of this post and believe it is doubtful you will feel the weight of the words shared in this last and very best part of 2016. It was a couple of weeks ago now that I wrote in my journal things fostering has taught and continues to teach me:

It’s not about us.

With each child that has visited our home whether for a day, a week or months God is his graciousness has reminded me this life is not about me. How comfortable I am, what I want or what we think we need. This life is about more-so very much more than that. Down to my bone marrow, I’m convinced the reason any of us are here is to bring God glory. We can do this by sharing and showing others Jesus. Yes, once again, I realize that sounds cliche, ‘ but it’s true.

More than what I know, may achieve or attain- Am I making the most of every opportunity? does my life cause others to marvel at Jesus in me?? Am I loving the unlovely? The unclean? Those invested with lice, the downtrodden, deserted? Do I love them like Jesus loves?

Love without abandon.

Unconditional, relentless, immeasurable love?

Fostering has forced me to stay offline and be present with the people under this roof. We look each other in the eye more. You can tell a lot about where a person is and has been by simply looking them in the eye.

We have read books, listened, talked, laughed, and cried. Lots and lots.

Fostering is HARD.

We have gotten attached and had high hopes of forever only to find ourselves disappointed and heartbroken. No words, class, or training could have prepared us for the gut-wrenching pain of the first removal, but God is near to the broken hearted-He binds up their wounds.

Just a few weeks ago after losing one whom we cherished new littles came in need of as much or more love than the one before. J turned to me as he closed the new little one’s bedroom door after giving big hugs and ‘sweet dreams-goodnight.’

“What will we do when they leave?”

My tear filled reply, “We’ll cry and love again.”

Which is what we are doing. Crying & loving again. While we are talking about crying. If Facebook doesn’t lie (LOL! surely Facebook wouldn’t lie???) Nonetheless, hundreds or according to Facebook thousands of you watched the video where I fought the gigantic lump in my throat the day after we lost out little buddy.

While we are talking about crying. If Facebook doesn’t lie (LOL! surely Facebook wouldn’t lie???) Nonetheless, hundreds or according to Facebook thousands of you watched the video where I fought the gigantic lump in my throat the day after we lost out little buddy. We were seriously overwhelmed by your compassion and comforting words. If you missed it or struggle with what to do when you #PrayBig and the things you want to happen you can catch it –> HERE

We’re often asked, “How do you do it?” “How do you bring them in, treat them like your own and then let them go?”

We pray more, pray always, pray hard, #PrayBig and trust God with the details.

Many people choose a word for the year. I have chosen words over the last few years and have been fascinated by the ways I have seen the word play out in my life throughout the year. My word for this past year was “watch.”

“Watch for the new thing I am going to do….” Isaiah 43:19 (GNT) I have seen Him do things I never could’ve or would’ve imagined. I will praise Him as long as I have breath for ALL of it. The good, bad, ugly and GREAT of 2016!

Dearest friends, from our herd to yours we wish the HAPPIEST OF NEW YEAR’S. May it be one of peace and hearts overflowing. Do not lose heart. Be confident:

“The Lord who “thus far” has helped you

Will help you all your journey through.” ~L.B. Cowman

Much love & always,

P.S. You know the post wouldn’t be complete without at least one P.S.

2017 plans/DREAMS/things to do:

Turn 40!
Finish the manuscript of our story
sit on the porch more in the evenings
adventure more WITH my boys instead of watching from afar

P.S.S. If you’re new or late to the #PrayBig party

Follow on Instagram @blessingsbrnyrd

Facebook: Blessings Beyond the Barnyard

Visit & share www.karmensmith.com for questions, prayers or speaking inquiries

One thing to try if you’re dreading the holidays

by Karmen |

The best way to finish something is to start.

We could start with how many times I’ve started this post in my head, or we could start with the come-apart I had in the car on the day 14 days ago. Thankfully no children were present, and only the passerby in the parking lot saw me ~~screaming~~ talking to myself.

If you’ve seen Summer School when the character, Chainsaw, overwhelmed with stress grabs his head, while taking a test & SCREAMS at the top of his lungs, “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! “Tention breaker. Had to be done.”

Anyone in need of a tension breaker?

Yesterday my oldest son declared, “Tomorrow it will only 27 days until Christmas.” Which is precious and absolutely delightful because it is the most-wonderful-time-of-the-year except that it’s ONLY 27 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!! #forcryingoutloud

October was like two seconds, and now we are two days shy of wrapping November raging full throttle into the holiday season.

Ferris Bueller was right. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Which brings me back to my last post- if you missed the video where I hid on my porch and trapped the cat in the bathroom (who has since been hit by a car and gone on to kitty-cat heaven), you could watch it HERE. The video. Not the cat.

In that post, I shared how we dove head first into foster care and discussed a bit about why I was stepping back from speaking events to tend better to the littles God had placed or allowed to visit our home.

A lot has changed since that post. For the sake of privacy & without going into great detail, I can tell you we savored our months as a family of five but now are back to being a family of four. It’s been eleven days since the little one that left us forever changed had to go. We’ve been cherishing sweet memories, and are re-establishing a new normal.

Just yesterday at church I had someone say, “You’ve walked this road before.” Speaking of years ago & our seasons of grief after we lost our son and then a daughter to preterm labor.

“Yes and no,” was my tearful reply.

Yes, we have experienced loss and sorrow before but none like this.

It’s different.

We, meaning our whole extended family, store family, church family loved hard and fell fast for the little one God sent our way that we were sure would be with us forever until he wasn’t.

Many have said, “Well, this is part of it.” Meaning loving and losing is part of fostering.

To that, yes, it’s very much like standing in the road and then being surprised when you are hit by a car but can anyone ever be ready to be hit by a car?

A recent & frequently asked question,

“Now what?”

WE GIVE THANKS.

Thanksgiving was bittersweet. We dressed as we do on Thanksgiving Day as Pilgrims, Indians and cowboy outlaws.

We hooked the buggy and rode to the feast.

We said the blessing,

ate lots of food, played whiffle ball with family and friends, laughed a lot & then, we cried for the ones who were missing.

“In everything gives thanks” doesn’t happen by accident. When life knocks the breath out of you and our hearts break we have to CHOOSE thanksgiving sometimes even on Thanksgiving.

WE TRUST.

We are trusting God to make it all matter. My nephew told his mother the evening after he heard our news, “Some days are happy. Some days are sad. This day is a sad day.”

Romans 8:28 is one of our go-to verses. We believe God works all things for good for those who love Him, those whom He has called according to His purposes. That doesn’t mean all things are good because there are many, many things in this life that are not good but God in His wonder, and amazing grace can use those things too. He can and will use it for our good and His glory.