Karmen Smith

Let’s chat: Summer, 3 “F” Words & a Birthday

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Dearest friends,

How are you?  Let’s catch up!

First, if you are reading this post, you survived May.  All the praise hands and KUDOS to you!

Next, let’s discuss summer. Do you prefer planning or a more haphazard-let-come-what-may-approach?

I lean more towards the come-what-may approach but have found as an adult it is helpful if I will plan but then, there’s the follow-through… #goodgrief

The boys and I have already had our first ‘come to Jesus meeting’ because they prefer to stay drunk on fun.  I’d love to hear your suggestions in comments on how you balance downtime and the plethora of summer activities.

Now, Facebook Live.  I love and appreciate how you help make this space matter and less awkward because for me (even as a speaker)- Facebook Live is awkward.   I’m not sure if it’s because I feel like I am talking to myself or if it’s the whole propping-staging the phone on the ironing board at an angle that doesn’t show my turkey neck or deep brow wrinkles. I haven’t justified buying a tripod yet because well, I still weigh it all out.

We can discuss these things and more next Tuesday, June 13th at 9 PM (Central) MARK YOUR CALENDARS for our fourth Facebook Live.  We are going to start our discussion of why bad things happen and what to do with suffering.  Over the next several weeks I am going to share seven secrets I’ve learned along the way, and I’m anxious to hear your feedback.  A lot of what we discuss is going to be in the book I am writing.  If you missed the previous Facebook Lives where I am working through the awkward, you could go HERE to view.

Next, yes, the farm is still for sale.  We had a lady from Texas this past weekend come and view and we thought it was a goner, but she made an offer on another.  We have since my last post drawn lines and now have a mini-farm buying option.  The house, one barn, the pond and five acres as an option.  Feel free to email me with serious inquiries.

We are approaching our one-year anniversary as foster parents.  We have two boys with us right now (thus explaining my absence online).  I am looking forward to sharing much of what we have learned over the last year through fostering.  Would a Facebook Live or written post be better?  Let me know your preference in comments.

Finally, saving the best for last.  Babies don’t keep.  I know I say it every year because it’s true! Our little boy is NINE today!!!! N-I-N-E.  Why must that number sound so grown-y?  Why must it be his last year of single digits?? Already???  Why won’t he fit in my lap anymore?

Yesterday we took him to Lake Winnie because he’s asked us to every.single.day.since his last birthday which was exactly 364 days ago.  I would not lie to you.  (insert wide-eyed-emoji!) So, we took him because we love him not because we love theme parks. You can see his exuberant joy if you follow us on Instagram.

I thanked God this morning for fearfully and wonderfully making our little man so strong, healthy and kind.  He is a nurturer by nature, a cuddle bug and had the sweetest tiny voice as a babe.  God is doing great things through his fearless faith.  He reminds me often through his brave acts not to put God in a box. I am going now to make him nine small pancakes to start his day and leave you with this video of him. We replay it every year on his birthday.  Here’s why.

 

Happy Tuesday,

K

P.S. I have updated the SPEAKING page and would love for you to make plans to join us if you are in the area or better yet, gather your girls and I will come and join you!

 

He left and I couldn’t stop crying

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Maybe a sip of water will help.  

The lump rising in my throat caused my voice to crack,  “Yeah. Sure, we can meet at the store later this afternoon.”

Another unexpected-all-to-sudden departure.

Foster care.  I love it and hate it with all of my heart.  Truly.

Last night from the porch while the frogs at the pond sang us a song I rocked that sweet baby to sleep and heaven felt so near.  It’s those little moments of peace and hope that keep me from quitting.

When he left this afternoon, I couldn’t quit crying.  Maybe it was because he’s a baby or maybe it was because he wouldn’t quit smiling or maybe it was the third goodbye in less than 12 hours.  Who knows why? I texted the placement supervisor and case worker for two of the three kids we’ve had this week, “Three goodbyes in two days is too hard.  We’re going to need a few days for our hearts to heal.”

It hurts.  Bad.

We bring them in, set up their area, give them a tour of our home and farm and welcome them to their “right-now-home-sweet-home.”  Some stay a few days, others a couple of weeks or few months at best. During training, it is clearly stated and often said the ultimate goal is to reunite the children with their parents or people as soon as possible and I get it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

If one more person asks me, “Don’t you get attached?”  I may snap.

OF COURSE, WE GET ATTACHED!

IS this thing on? Can you hear me now? 

YES!!! WE-GET-ATTACHED!

Then why keep on? Why continue fostering if you know you’re going to end up hurting?

Because once you know, they’re out there and are in need of care you can’t NOT know.  

It’s sobering really how much I thought I knew about fostering having taught public school but as it turns out, I know very little.  Nine months and 19 children later I have observed and made notes of these things:

  • Every case, every face, every story so unique and very similar.
  • Hugs are a universal language.
  • Stuff: excessive toys, a plethora of shoes, clothing and or tech gadgets are not necessities.  They are luxuries.
  • A warm shower, clean bed, and kindness go a long way.
  • Always say goodbye and leave on good terms.  Life can be up on its head in a moment.
  • I thought through fostering we would and could change the world one child at a time.  What I have experienced through fostering is that children are often the best teachers, and I have much to learn.

J and I, with head and hearts still reeling from the week, were talking before bed when he precisely expressed how I felt.

“It’s like a little death when each one leaves. Like a little part of us is gone.”

Yes.

Death.

It is nothing new nor is it a respecter of persons. Many of you have walked through the valley, and the shadows before as have we.

Even my Savior was not exempt.

Good Friday is the day Jesus died for you and me. Good Friday is the day I delivered our oldest son after years of barrenness and loss.  It is a day I have grown to respect, cherish and hold dear only this year was different. Deeper. Heavier. Much heavier.  It held both weight and wings.  Waking to celebrate Tucker’s 11 years of life and ending with a heartbreaking goodbye to a little one we loved like our own.

It would be easy to quit.  It would feel better to close our doors and say no more.  We could play it safe, love them less and silence the ringer on our phones.  We could stop believing that it matters and doubt that God is working all things together for good.  We could.

“When belief in God becomes difficult, the tendency is to turn away from Him but in heaven’s name to what?” ~G.K. Chesterton

…but in heaven’s name to what?  That’s my favorite part.

..”to what?

The word what brings to mind a few more questions:

What IF it does matter?

What if we are making a difference?

What if this was the best week of that child’s life?

What more can we do to let them know they are loved?

What could we do to help them hurt less?

So what if caring is a risky business?

What if death is the beginning of a new life?

Yes.

I say a BIG FAT Y-E-S to all of the above.

What will you say?  And before you say you can’t please consider what you can do as you read through some of the things others near and dear to us have done.  We could not do it without help. Again to your question, “How do you do it all?”

Quite simply, I DON’T.

We don’t.

There are LOTS and LOTS of people in our family and community who have helped.

Consider these from just this past week:

  • One sister came and held the baby and chatted with the new kids on the block while I did paperwork and talked with case workers.
  • Mother cooked us supper the night the three extra children arrived while I got their belonging settled.
  • A brother-in-law mowed our yard because it needed it.   One of our boys broke the key off in the ignition of our lawnmower. #benearmeLordJesus
  • Dad let us borrow his suburban because our car is not safe for a family of seven.
  • Another sister bought some snacks and personal items for the girls.
  • A local church rallied together and made basic care packs for foster children. They then blessed us by sharing items the children needed.
  • A friend gave me a shoulder to cry on when the last one left us just five days later.

See?  Foster care is not a solo mission.  I didn’t write this post for sympathy or a pat on the back.  It isn’t about me.  I am using what God has given me, this space for His honor and glory. I share these stories as a reminder-It takes us all. I hope you’ll say yes and get involved some way somehow because life is better when it’s lived together.

Oh, and when DHR calls again, and they will, we will say yes.  We will say hello and goodbye, we will laugh and cry, and finally, I will wipe the warm tears and know that I’m alive.

Happy Resurrection Day!

 

 

P.S.  Because it’s fitting and my favorite poem on the planet….  I read Risk for the first time while in college.  I copied it, laminated it, cut it out and hung it by my desk and read it every single day that I taught public school.  I have it in the front of my calendar now.  I hope it pierces you in the way it does me each and every time.

Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose your feelings is to risk
exposing your true self
To place your ideal, your dreams before a crowd
is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure
Yet risks must be taken
Because the greatest hazard in life is risking
NOTHINGThe person who risks nothing
Does nothing
Has nothing
Is nothing

5 NEW YEAR Questions for You to Share with Friends

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We barricaded the living room entry with a recliner.  Determined to have some post-holiday, HAPPY NEW YEAR-adult conversation with our friends.  They have four children, and currently, we have four children who bring us to a ROARING 8 when we are together which is anything but calm but oh-so-necessary.

Surely we aren’t the only parents who have considered a barricade?  Now before any of you, helicopter moms get in a tizz..we could see over the recliner into the dining room where the girls were dressed as princesses (at least I think that’s what they were shooting for)  while they played baby in between dance-party breakouts and playing kitchen with lots and lots of Play-Doh.  That is, when they weren’t running for cover and SCREAMING because of sudden Nerf attacks, hovering drones or RC gadgets running amuck.

After pizza and wings, and redirecting a couple of monkeys who attempted to climb over the recliner barricade we were alas able to share some quality conversation with our dear friends.  (Side note->because of my brain..but if you haven’t read Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist, I HIGHLY recommend it.  The title was enough for me.  For too long, too many of us have worried whether or not our houses or outdoor spaces were acceptable, polished or Pinterest-y enough to share with friends. I broke up with that way of thinking.  Thanks, Shauna)  Meanwhile, back on the ranch my Rainbow vacuum broke way back in October, a new one hasn’t been in the budget; it’s firewood time which means lots and lots of wood debris, dust and lest we forget we live on a farm, so there is NEVER an absence of various manure tracks throughout the house.  Deep breath.  And another deep breath because it’s OKAY!  Real friends hungry for authentic connection couldn’t care less about the condition of our floors or mantle, which is why we’re friends.

Thankful for friends and my dear, dear husband for entertaining my request to have such reflective heavy-at-times-just-a-wee-bit awkward and hilarious conversation.  We chatted through various topics such as their vacation to Disney, to public restroom etiquette and finally,  some thought-provoking questions that I found on the internet (thanks, Holley Gerth dot com).

The list of questions was longer than we have time for but I wanted to share five of my favorites as well as my two cents which as it turns out is exactly what it’s worth.  I hope you will share the questions with your friends because you should.  It’s fun and funny.  They are great conversation starters. We have since discussed them with our small group, and I went through them with another friend whom I consider a gem as well as my mom and sisters too!  So, without further adieu’:

What went well for you this year?

We saw a slight upswing in 2016 at our little mom and pop feed & garden, so we shouted HALLELUYAH! Thank YOU, Fort Payne and surrounding areas for shopping local and for loving our family so well.  (If you’re not local and you want to know more about what we do visit our website –> www.fpfeed.com )

#PrayBig the journal and the movement has done exceedingly and abundantly more than I would have ever dreamed. THANK YOU, JESUS.  I’ve loved meeting ALL OF YOU, hearing your hearts and it is my honor to pray with and for you!  I am looking forward to another great year!

http://www.thebeancounter.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/iStock_000065269525_Double-630x315.jpg

(photo from Google image)

What did not go well?

When our first foster placement was taken and placed in another home.  He left us forever changed, and he will never be forgotten.

When did you feel the most exhausted or drained?

Numbers.  Anything with numbers makes me tired and cranky.  Numbers and anything remotely akin to numbers makes me lethargic and puffy.  I think I’m allergic.  No amount of milk chocolate helps.  Just no.  There will be no numbers or accounting or QuickBooks in heaven.  Amen.

 

When did I feel most in my “sweet spot?”

Other than the obvious of being with my tribe at the beach of course with my low-rider beach chair in the sand where the surf meets the shore my “sweet spot” would be when I’m encouraging you.  Whether that is at the local coffee shop, the jail, your living room, fellowship hall or a stage.  I never tire of speaking of the faithfulness of God and exhorting you to #PrayBig because with my whole heart I believe when you #PrayBig things happen!

 

What did God teach me that I want to live out this year?

It’s easy for me to tell others to believe in the faithfulness of God, not to worry or fear because He cares and is Lord over all, but I often struggle to believe my words.  I somehow believe it for you, and I REALLY DO but then, when I get in my car, or I find a quiet place at home, or I’m upstairs at the store, I doubt.  I doubt and end up dancing with fear and worry when it comes to my personal stuff.  And I hate it!  In 2017 I am determined to be done with doubt.  Jesus and I have already been talking through these things over the last several days, and I’ve told Satan to take the train. I’ll keep you posted.

There were other questions like what did you say “no” to and wish you had said “yes” and vice versa? What do you want to do differently or the same?  But too many of those questions got a little too close to the subject of exercise which is something I’m not ready to talk about yet. I am thinking about thinking about it because I know my Barbie friend, Tammy wants me to think about it and I will turn 40 this year.  In no way is turning forty a big deal except that it is, and I’m going to try not be a selfish brat and talk too much about my birthday in June because that would be silly because grown women shouldn’t get all wacky about a birthday except that I am but we can talk more about that later.  Because it’s only 156 days until my birthday according to Google.  Not that anyone is counting.

Oh happy day,

 

 

P.S.  But just in case…and this P.S. note is mostly for my family or close friends to remind my husband and children.  #winkwink

 

 

 

 

“Thus far” 2016 the BIG year-ender

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“Thus far the Lord has helped us.”  (1 Samuel 7:12)

 

I could not think of a better way to start a year-end post than to share these words from Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman.

 

“The words “thus far” are like a hand pointing in the direction of the past. It had been a long time, twenty years in all.” (v. 2), but even if it had been seventy years, “Thus far the Lord helped”! Whether through poverty, wealth, sickness, or health, whether home or abroad, on land, sea or air, and whether in honor, dishonor, difficulties, joy, trial, triumph, prayer, or temptation-“Thus Far the Lord helped”!

 

It’s that time of the year when many take a deep breath and look back.

 

Tell me friends.  How does it look from where you stand?  As you glance back over your shoulder are you overwhelmed with gratitude or are glad to call it a wrap?

 

If I may be so direct as to say, “It’s been more than a heck of a year!!!”   As I look back down the dirt road of 2016, I see love and loss, success and failure, laughter and more tears than I’ve shed in several years!

 

I grew up on a dirt road.  My sisters, cousins and I ran barefooted as country girls do.  Growing older and learning to drive we’d do our best to dodge the all-too-familiar-potholes.  There were a few “potholes” I wish we could’ve avoided this year but then I remember it’s the running barefooted on the rocks, and unexpected potholes of life that make us what we are.

 

On this last year in my thirties, less is more.  So instead of a month by month playback, I’m going to share just 3 areas of our life where we have lived, loved and been AWED by the faithfulness of God:

 

FAITH

 

I had heard, been taught and even proclaimed to many the truth of Ephesians 3:20, that God can do exceedingly and abundantly but this year- we have experienced it.  He has strengthened and stretched our faith in ways unexplainable.  God is His wonder has taken the little 6-week prayer journal, written by a woman scared of punctuation to Honduras, Canada, a women’s prison in Georgia, to the Dominican Republic, and more states than I can count.  I hope I never get over it!!

 

With it, He has birthed a message, a challenge, a movement for His people to #PrayBig.  You all have supported us and made my dream of sharing His faithfulness a reality!!  You are praying and listening to God.  Many of you have learned to plead the promises of God through prayer and have seen the activity of God in your lives.  You have seen your laundry list of requests transform into intimate conversations with Jesus!

 

You have bought “PrayBig” journals, mugs, hats, t-shirts, jewelry and you are sharing them with YOUR PEOPLE! (Pause for a –>SHOUT OUT to Gina Dorough, the salt to my pepper, a Godsend who has graciously traveled with me to all of the places and kept us organized and blessed each one of you with her kindness and selfless service!! I love u!)

We love seeing hashtag #PrayBig online and are overjoyed at how the community is growing!  I can’t get over it, and I wish I could hug each one of you and look you in the eye and say, “THANK YOU!!”

 

Thank you for allowing Him to use YOU to grow our faith.  Thank you for sharing your burdens and blessings with me through your emails, texts, calls, and conversations.  It has been and is and my great honor to share with you through prayer.  I consider it a privilege that you would invite me into the intimate places of your heart.  You are loved and lifted up, and I am eternally grateful!!!

 

Lastly, for inviting me to speak to your women’s groups, your podcasts, churches, camps, your living rooms, Mentone Inn den, prison domes, parks and more.   It has been my sheer delight to Skype, encourage, and exhort you in the Lord.  He has fearfully and wonderfully made you and has the-most-perfect plan and purpose for your life.  If I haven’t yet made it your way or you’d like to get together again, email SOON as we are working on our calendar and scheduling less this year because of area number two…

 

FAMILY

Just when I think I can’t love them more, I do.

 

J & I celebrated two decades of marital bliss in October of this year.  Yes, that’s sounds cliché’ but for two who are opposites in every way minus our faith and rearing our children blissful is pretty spot on.  We didn’t go all out and travel out west or get that getaway for a romantic weekend like I had planned because life happens but instead we enjoyed a quiet steak dinner and was able to share an uninterrupted, quality conversation.  That anniversary meal fed more than our stomachs and was more than enough for the day.

 

To know J, (aka the Cowboy), is to know simple.  Honest and upright.  Quiet is his favorite.  He’d rather be at the barn than anywhere else on the planet.  Barn chores are where he finds serenity.   Our feed store is where he makes a living. A very engaged father to our boys and now, a father to the fatherless.  He was recently humbled having been asked to become an elder at our church. It is my honor to be his wife, now forever and always.

 

Our boys.

photos compliments of the uh-MAZING Rachel Clarke Photography (now Mrs.Mashburn)

 

Are you following #adventuresoftuckandjake on Facebook? If not, why?  No really, the hashtag started as a joke.  In sharing one of the boys’ adventures one day with a woman, she said, “People don’t let their kids do that anymore!”

 

“We do” was my response as I share the video from my phone.

 

Boys need to be boys.  Boys need to climb, run, hunt, scavenge, adventure, scout, explore, fight, rescue, fix, create, imagine, scream, innovate, pretend, swim, and jump!!!!!! Did I mention ROAR!   We don’t own a gaming system on purpose.  Before we start homeschool each day on more days than not, I have the boys run a few laps around the pond just because.  Best I can tell, boys and dogs (according to the dog guy on TV) have some of the same basic needs:  exercise, discipline, affection.

 

If you are a #boymom and you struggle as we all do from time to time– try this!  Get them OUTSIDE, make them run, touch five trees, race back and forth down the driveway or sprint five laps around the house before they get in the car.  It helps. I promise.  Their teachers will hug you!!

 

Speaking of thanks, one of my most cherished friend’s, Jeanne Manning, sent our boys a Christmas card.  In the card, (which just so happens to be my favorite gift this Christmas) she shared words of love & gratitude for our two superheroes.  She encouraged and thanked them for the ways they have loved the new children God has brought into our home which leads me to…

FOSTERING

 

I had no idea that prayer whispered from a porch in Honduras would lead us here.

 

I had to take a few deep breaths and wipe a few tears before beginning this final part of this post and believe it is doubtful you will feel the weight of the words shared in this last and very best part of 2016.  It was a couple of weeks ago now that I wrote in my journal things fostering has taught and continues to teach me:

 

It’s not about us.

 

With each child that has visited our home whether for a day, a week or months God is his graciousness has reminded me this life is not about me.  How comfortable I am, what I want or what we think we need.  This life is about more-so very much more than that.  Down to my bone marrow, I’m convinced the reason any of us are here is to bring God glory.  We can do this by sharing and showing others Jesus.  Yes, once again, I realize that sounds cliche, ‘ but it’s true.

 

More than what I know, may achieve or attain- Am I making the most of every opportunity?  does my life cause others to marvel at Jesus in me?? Am I loving the unlovely?  The unclean?  Those invested with lice, the downtrodden, deserted?  Do I love them like Jesus loves?

 

Love without abandon.

 

Unconditional, relentless, immeasurable love?

 

Fostering has forced me to stay offline and be present with the people under this roof.  We look each other in the eye more.  You can tell a lot about where a person is and has been by simply looking them in the eye.

We have read books, listened, talked, laughed, and cried.  Lots and lots.

 

Fostering is HARD.

 

We have gotten attached and had high hopes of forever only to find ourselves disappointed and heartbroken.  No words, class, or training could have prepared us for the gut-wrenching pain of the first removal, but God is near to the broken hearted-He binds up their wounds.

 

Just a few weeks ago after losing one whom we cherished new littles came in need of as much or more love than the one before.  J turned to me as he closed the new little one’s bedroom door after giving big hugs and ‘sweet dreams-goodnight.’

 

“What will we do when they leave?”

 

My tear filled reply, “We’ll cry and love again.”

Which is what we are doing.  Crying & loving again.  While we are talking about crying.  If Facebook doesn’t lie (LOL! surely Facebook wouldn’t lie???) Nonetheless, hundreds or according to Facebook thousands of you watched the video where I fought the gigantic lump in my throat the day after we lost out little buddy.

 

While we are talking about crying.  If Facebook doesn’t lie (LOL! surely Facebook wouldn’t lie???) Nonetheless, hundreds or according to Facebook thousands of you watched the video where I fought the gigantic lump in my throat the day after we lost out little buddy. We were seriously overwhelmed by your compassion and comforting words.  If you missed it or struggle with what to do when you #PrayBig and the things you want to happen you can catch it –> HERE

 

We’re often asked, “How do you do it?”  “How do you bring them in, treat them like your own and then let them go?”

 

We pray more, pray always, pray hard, #PrayBig and trust God with the details.

 

Many people choose a word for the year.  I have chosen words over the last few years and have been fascinated by the ways I have seen the word play out in my life throughout the year.  My word for this past year was “watch.”

 

“Watch for the new thing I am going to do….”  Isaiah 43:19 (GNT)   I have seen Him do things I never could’ve or would’ve imagined.  I will praise Him as long as I have breath for ALL of it. The good, bad, ugly and GREAT of 2016!

Dearest friends, from our herd to yours we wish the HAPPIEST OF NEW YEAR’S.  May it be one of peace and hearts overflowing.  Do not lose heart.  Be confident:

“The Lord who “thus far” has helped you

Will help you all your journey through.” ~L.B. Cowman

 

Much love & always,

 

 

P.S. You know the post wouldn’t be complete without at least one P.S.

2017 plans/DREAMS/things to do:

  • Turn 40!
  • Finish the manuscript of our story
  • sit on the porch more in the evenings
  • adventure more WITH my boys instead of watching from afar

 

P.S.S. If you’re new or late to the #PrayBig party

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