Karmen Smith

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sweet & salty: an adoption story

by Karmen |

We’ve cried a bunch
Cussed a little and loved a lot over the last year.

Adoption.

Even as I type the word, I feel myself buffering, searching, I guess, for the words that fit or express all that it entails.

 

If you’re new here, I’m Karmen boymom times five. Two boys grew in my belly, the other three in my heart. Baby Jax was sent to us first via foster care. You can read part of his remarkable story here. David and Ayden are brothers & are the same ages as our bio boys, which means we have two 14s, two 12s, and a toddler.

I grabbed a couple of snacks last night on the way to the couch to write. I like to have snacks when I write. I love snacks even when I’m not writing, but that’s not the point (also not the point-unhealthy snacks). The point was discovered in the mixing of my snacks: a milk chocolate Hershey bar, white cheddar Cheeze-Its, and lemonade. I started with the Hershey bar because duh, chocolate, and then, after a few bars, I grabbed a handful of the salty squares and, lastly, a sip of lemonade when my mouth did a jump-up heel kick! The sweet-salty sour mixture made the most beautiful blend!

When the boys first moved in six days before Christmas, I thought this would be sweet. We will love Jesus and others, and we’ll live happily ever after because we’re following Him, and it will all work out, but then, life got salty, like really salty really fast. We went from two boys to three and then five boys in less than six months, and someone needed something or someone all the time, and then suddenly, sweet seemed so far away.

But God is faithful. (and I’m so glad He is) Even more thankful He sends us who or what we need when we need it even when it doesn’t feel like what we get is what we needed.

There have been countless days over the last year that’ve been just plain hard. There have been many moments I wondered if we were getting anything right. Sometimes I wrestled with quitting motherhood, but at the end of the day, I never could settle on how. So, J and I would go to bed and wake up the next day to find a new batch of sweet mercy and grace given to us to give to the boys, and one day became two, and then a week or month passed, and here we are. It was this day one year ago we became “Smith Party of Seven,” and I can’t help but cry.

I cry when I think about how far we’ve come—all of us. I praise the Lord for many of YOU who have come alongside us to pray, mentor, carpool, send hand-me-downs, given bikes or advice, lend an ear, texted funny family memes, babysat, or cheered for the boys all for one and one for all.

Thank you!!!!!!!!
Thank you, each and everyone, for every single kind act or effort. I promise-it mattered!

I crack up at the many and varied lessons on music, manners, hygiene, and girls and smile when I recall the in-depth discussions about God, sin, heaven, and hell.

 

I’m sure glad we didn’t say no.

The sweetness of handpicked bouquets and handwritten notes, family basketball and badminton, card games, the salty fights we’ve had, and sour attitude with enough family meetings to last a lifetime -man what a perfectly blended sweet-salty sour year it’s been!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: #boymom #fostertoadopt #fostercare, adoption, family, parenting

Whew! What a YEAR!

by Karmen |

I wasn’t sure how to begin.

Whew….

WHEW!

WOW.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I’ll let you read and decide. There are plenty of reasons and/or excuses for not writing more often this year or doing more Facebook Lives but mostly life offline has been full.

Dec 12 2019,  HIP HIP HOORAY it’s ADOPTION Day for JAXSON DANIEL SMITH gosh, who knew love could be so deep and so wide in such a short time.  We praise the Lord every. single. day for choosing us for this little joy boy!  He means much to many. Adoption is beautiful, hard and worth every nanosecond!

Dec 19 Our twin sets moved in. Let me clarify just a bit because those words tend to confuse some.  We have two bio boys: Tuck (age 12 at the time) and Jake (age 10)

One week after Jaxson’s adoption decree we welcomed home two more boys: David (age 12) and his younger brother Ayden (age 10) See?  Two sets of twins: two twelves and two tens just six days before Christmas and seven days after adopting a baby because why not?  I’d love to share more details of our first Christmas together as Smith party of seven except that I can’t because it truly was a blur!  I remember being blessed beyond measure by our community.  I remember lots of smiles and tears because it was a heck of a transition but gosh, looking back helps us to see how far we’ve come! David turned 13 at the end of the Dec. making us parents of a TEEN!  I see more smiles now than then and was recently asked if it’s okay if he calls me “mom.”  Wow. What a year.

January 1 We gathered with the extended family for our annual New Year woodcutting session.  More hands made lighter work for all! woohoo

Jan 19 We’re off to the Smokies with the whole gang.  Mom, dad, both of my sisters, spouses and all the children=18 people and a dog named Waylon inside one LOUD cabin for an unforgettable weekend.  Whew!  What a year.

February 2 #DEMODAY for our back porch renovation project compliments of Vintage Pickin’ Passion Project!!!

April Wilks and many of the amazing Vintage Pickin’ fans, family and friends gave their time and hard-earned money to bless our socks off! Josh Miller and his construction crew transformed our back porch into a living space and loft area where two of the boys could sleep meaning baby Jax (who had been sleeping in a pack-n-play in my closet) could MOVE OUT! Woohoo!! What a year!

March the cowboy turned a whopping 44!

April  Baby Jax turned 1!  and Tucker Wayne is 13! What?! Two teens?  This is getting good.  Also, in April because I was certain I’ve been wasting my time and yours talking so much about the book I’ve been writing for fo-ever  I went to one-more-writing retreat so Suzie Eller could tell me to forget it but instead, she said “Your book baby is way overdue. Submit the proposal is ready.”   I haven’t. I’m still scared which is funny because the book has much to say about fear.  Another reason to write it -to read it.  whew.  what a year.

May is May is May.. the wackiest month of the year for you, your friends and us every day and at the feed store. Flowers. Gardens and Mother’s Day which is the day we dedicated baby J to the Lord, hosted a family picnic and I headed to Oklahoma to speak at a Mastermind Conference hosted by Danna Larson, the mastermind behind Rural Revival.  My topic: How to Keep Going When You Want to Quit!  I made a few new forever friends and visited the Pioneer Woman’s lodge.  While in OK I decided I want to be Ree when I grow up!  WHOA! WHOA!  What a year!

June 17th I turned 42, steeped out of denial and into the optometrist office where the Dr. prescribed bifocals (cue eye roll) but that’s small potatoes compared to the happenings that shook down on

June 27th when we stood before the judge, family and friends to ADOPT & decree DAVID & AYDEN a forever home!  Thank you, Lord, for the beauty and brokenness of adoption!  WOW! WHAT A YEAR!

July the boy I begged God for oh-so-many years ago and I headed to Brooklyn, NY to serve alongside a great group of kids at a local church. He and the team of teens served well.  I had the great honor and privilege to speak at the local church where our youth served and to a sister church of Chinese women via a translator.  WOW! What a year!

August we brought in two toddlers to foster for a couple of months making us Smith party of nine for a time.  Three toddlers, two pre-teens and 2 teens had us considering starting a reality show because you can’t make this stuff up any more than I could have made up the details God worked out so I could fly back to Oklahoma for a day to meet friends and pray for our gritty gal, Brooke.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer the-very-day-she-gave-birth-to-her-first baby, Elsie James. Read more of her story at Rural Gone Urban.  Whoa! What a year!

September meant soccer was in full swing and the fair came to town which was great but not as great as a farm the cowboy convinced me to “just ride out and see.”

The farm God moved us to make an offer that was accepted.

The farm that prompted us to list our home-sweet-home-farm in real estate.

October 5th we celebrated twenty-three years of love and matrimony.

A week later Jake, (our youngest bio boy) and I flew south with a group from church to the Dominican Republic. I spoke to women at a marriage conference via Heidy, the sweetest translator on the planet, experienced the most gracious hospitality and coffee- strong & delicious.

Thank you, Father, for your love and matchless grace. Thank you for the faces I cannot forget as well as the privilege of serving along side our boy and the medical team.  You are worthy.

November the month of Thanksgiving.  The month spent thanking God for so many good years here on our farm on Lookout Mountain.  The month of Thanksgiving for the countless people He’s sent our way, the innumerable prayers prayed and answered within these walls. The month spent cleaning and showing and cleaning out. Whoa. Whoa. What a year.

December 12 brings us back to where we started a year ago as we celebrated GOTCHA DAY fro baby J! A whole year of loving +laughing and training baby Jax and

Dec. 13th

WE CLOSED ON the NEW FARM which means

WE ARE MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are packing and moving in faith because God is going to sell this farm to a couple or person, or family who will cherish it as much or more than we have.  I wish we could sit on the porch and share with you the many and varied details God has orchestrated in closing this all out because it’s simply supernatural. He IS faithful.  We give Him every.ounce of GLORY! Truly.

So, aside from a few wacky stories from my sister, Lily, who has also started fostering,  Tuck’s really-bad-terrible case of poison ivy, our camping trip to the beach where the boys saw a gator, the roller coaster of small business, the many and varied called family meetings because parenting prepubescent teen boys is hard, the two times we’ve called nurse Katie to make sure Jason wasn’t having heart attacks that turned out to be pain from the shoulder he had surgery on five days before Christmas I think we’re caught up.

Oh, except that we are selling the feed store (which I will share more about SOON) and I am starting a NEW JOB teaching second grade at Cornerstone Christian Academy in Jan.

CHEERS friends, to ONE HECK-OF-A YEAR and the NEW YEAR to come!

One more quick thing before we go. Lean in.  This is for you.

This isn’t dress rehearsal!

As we turn the corner and head into a fresh decade I challenge you to get on your knees or on your face before God.  Praise Him for who He is!  Sing to Him for ALL He has done around you, in you and through so many of you this year and then, beg Him to tell you how you can GLORIFY Him in the up and coming year!

When He tells you..and He will.

Get out there and get after it!! Maybe he wants you to stay put? or just maybe He wants you to move to a new land? to foster? adopt? to sing? to give? save? GO? to write? paint? pray? serve? teach? stay home and mother the kids you begged Him for? marry? serve Him in singleness?  I don’t know and maybe you don’t> but He does!

God is FAITHFUL Even if we’re scared!

Happiest of NEW YEARS to you and yours!!!

P.S. Yes,  I am still speaking.  I will post dates soon and would be thrilled if you would grab your favorite gal pal and join us!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: adoption, farm, fostering, NEW YEAR, serving

The Baby -Part 1

by Karmen |

I praise The Lord she didn’t abort him.  I praise The Lord she tested clean -meaning no drugs in her system and mostly for being a woman brave enough to say, I’m not in a place where I can provide for him.

I was home packing and preparing the teen who had been with us for a couple of weeks to return home when his caseworker said, “Hey, be watching your phone.  They know your house is about to be empty.”  The dust had barely settled in the driveway when I heard my phone.

“Hey, we’ve got a baby being born.  It’s likely to be a long-term placement.  Are you willing?”

Even though she said, “..long-term” placement I didn’t let the words settle in because none of the others had been.  The baby, if we took it, would have been the 34 or 35thchild to stay with us in just under two and a half years.  So, the words “long-term” didn’t carry a lot of weight.

Next, I did what I do when DHR calls-I called my husband at the feed store.

“Hey babe, DHR called and said they’re going to have a baby ready for pick-up soon and want to know if we’re interested.  Are we?”

“Is ____ gone?”

“Yes, he’s been gone about a half hour.”

“A baby is a lot. This is our peak season at the store so it will mostly be you, babe, but I guess I’m game if you are?”

He didn’t say no.  Why didn’t he say no?

“The parking lot if full. I’ve got to go.  It’s up to you babe.”

Up to me.

Ding.

“Hey let me know what y’all decide.  I’m going to have to keep calling.”

I wish I had timed how long it was from the initial call and then her text but my best guess is there were about fifteen minutes in between.

“Hey, yes.  We’ll take the baby. Is it a boy or a girl?”

“I’m not sure. I think it’s a boy.  I’ll let you know but it will probably be ready to be discharged from the hospital by noon tomorrow.  The caseworker will be in touch with more details”

“Okay.  Thanks.”

After we hung up I grabbed the broom and headed toward the room that just an hour ago was home to a teen.  I needed to lift the window partly because I smelled feet but mostly because I needed a breath of fresh air.

A baby.  A baby?  Are we ready for a baby and not just a baby but a newborn? The youngest placement we had had was nine months.  We’d done a week of respite (which is rest/or help for another foster family) for a six-week-old baby boy but that was short-term.

My nervous energy had kicked in.  I stripped the bedsheets and cleaned the room in record time when I found myself standing staring at the walls.

This little room has seen me through my greatest sorrows and joys.

It was the room I had prepared for our Samuel, and then the next year for Karson who neither made it home from the hospital.  It was the room that saw sorrow transformed into joy when we brought home our precious Tucker. It was the room that had become a haven for the many and varied children in need of a safe place and it was soon to become a nursery again.

Now, what does a baby need?

My ‘baby’ was nine almost ten so it had been awhile.

Let’s start with something to sleep in and something to wear.

I sent a group text to my sister, MIL & a friend from church.  In just a few moments The Lord had lined up all we would need.

One thing FOR SURE God has used fostering to show me time and time again -the body of Christ works best when it works together.  No way could we or any one of us in a solo effort meet the needs of the many and varied kids but together it is truly amazing!

The boys were ecstatic when they heard we were getting a baby.  Our afternoon at the store and then home on the farm kept a quick pace much like it does this time of year when the afternoon becomes evening and finally night.

The next morning, I took the boys to school, hurried back home to tidy up before heading to the feed store to reset and rearrange the flowers for the day.  I had a meeting scheduled later that evening to finalize details for a vintage pop-up shop that I had planned to attend after I picked up the baby.

The baby.

It’s funny that it’s taken me a whole year to write this post about the baby that changed everything.  I know, I know, that’s sounds so cliché’ but it’s also very, very true.  For those of you who have biological children, you have weeks and months to prepare.  We nest and decorate and have baby showers and get tons of stuff we never use.  We’re anxious, excited and scared to death and we have lots of time to sort through it all but with fostering everything is different…especially fostering to adopt.

I’ll spare you the wacky details that transpired once I got to the hospital.  It was very Jerry Springer but that’s another story for another day or never.

It’s taken me a long time to choose the words that best describe what happened when I first saw him.

Blameless, precious, new.

I weep at the words but that’s the beauty of the Gospel.

Out of respect for all involved, I will keep the hospital conversation exchange tucked in quieter places but I can tell you from the moment I first held him and breathed him in I knew he was a part of us.

Happy first birthday Baby J.  You are chosen. You are cherished. Now forever & always.

We LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And to ALLLLLLLLL of you who have helped us by praying and providing for baby J’s needs THANK YOU!!! A gazillion thank-yous!

Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus!  THANK YOU for loving us so well.

We pray God blesses you for blessing us!

Love,

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Filed Under: faith, family, Inspire, Life ~in our neck of the woods, Uncategorized Tagged With: adoption

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