Karmen Smith

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sweet & salty: an adoption story

by Karmen |

We’ve cried a bunch
Cussed a little and loved a lot over the last year.

Adoption.

Even as I type the word, I feel myself buffering, searching, I guess, for the words that fit or express all that it entails.

 

If you’re new here, I’m Karmen boymom times five. Two boys grew in my belly, the other three in my heart. Baby Jax was sent to us first via foster care. You can read part of his remarkable story here. David and Ayden are brothers & are the same ages as our bio boys, which means we have two 14s, two 12s, and a toddler.

I grabbed a couple of snacks last night on the way to the couch to write. I like to have snacks when I write. I love snacks even when I’m not writing, but that’s not the point (also not the point-unhealthy snacks). The point was discovered in the mixing of my snacks: a milk chocolate Hershey bar, white cheddar Cheeze-Its, and lemonade. I started with the Hershey bar because duh, chocolate, and then, after a few bars, I grabbed a handful of the salty squares and, lastly, a sip of lemonade when my mouth did a jump-up heel kick! The sweet-salty sour mixture made the most beautiful blend!

When the boys first moved in six days before Christmas, I thought this would be sweet. We will love Jesus and others, and we’ll live happily ever after because we’re following Him, and it will all work out, but then, life got salty, like really salty really fast. We went from two boys to three and then five boys in less than six months, and someone needed something or someone all the time, and then suddenly, sweet seemed so far away.

But God is faithful. (and I’m so glad He is) Even more thankful He sends us who or what we need when we need it even when it doesn’t feel like what we get is what we needed.

There have been countless days over the last year that’ve been just plain hard. There have been many moments I wondered if we were getting anything right. Sometimes I wrestled with quitting motherhood, but at the end of the day, I never could settle on how. So, J and I would go to bed and wake up the next day to find a new batch of sweet mercy and grace given to us to give to the boys, and one day became two, and then a week or month passed, and here we are. It was this day one year ago we became “Smith Party of Seven,” and I can’t help but cry.

I cry when I think about how far we’ve come—all of us. I praise the Lord for many of YOU who have come alongside us to pray, mentor, carpool, send hand-me-downs, given bikes or advice, lend an ear, texted funny family memes, babysat, or cheered for the boys all for one and one for all.

Thank you!!!!!!!!
Thank you, each and everyone, for every single kind act or effort. I promise-it mattered!

I crack up at the many and varied lessons on music, manners, hygiene, and girls and smile when I recall the in-depth discussions about God, sin, heaven, and hell.

 

I’m sure glad we didn’t say no.

The sweetness of handpicked bouquets and handwritten notes, family basketball and badminton, card games, the salty fights we’ve had, and sour attitude with enough family meetings to last a lifetime -man what a perfectly blended sweet-salty sour year it’s been!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: #boymom #fostertoadopt #fostercare, adoption, family, parenting

The first day of school and the thunderstorm

by Karmen |

“First day of school, first day of school, first day of school.”

 

If you’ve watched Finding Nemo 9,376,457 times like we have, then you are familiar with Nemo’s level of excitement as he returns to school after summer break.

 

I’m not sure who was more what. Between the three us, we were somewhere between Nemo, a sleeping cat and one ready to take the bull by the horns.

 

Earlier to bed made it easier to rise for one in particular, although his 6:39am excitement (WAY e-a-r-l-y for him) came and vanished pretty quick once he’d shared a brief hug, smile and recap of last night’s dream before deciding to crawl back in bed for just a few more minutes…

 

Breakfast, Bible and chores were done by 8:30.

 

Followed by calendar, phonics for one, grammar for the other (OH GOOD! won’t we all be thrilled for me to study and teach the technical side of grammar +comma usage this year! not.) reading, snack/break @ 10 to finish strong with math, geography intro and a song.

 

Whew! We did it! FIRST DAY DONE!

451462ad-b678-4c36-b13c-b52a5c03c773_zps39465d6e

 

Lunch was eaten and clean by 12:30 ready for PE (aka 3 laps around the pond, to the far gate and back for 2 more laps) just in time for a little backyard soccer dribbling.

 

All fine and jim-dandy until the afternoon thunderstorm rolled in, then the dog and the kid afraid of storms made the momma and the other brother want to RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!!!!

 

My text to the cowboy.

 

“Where are you? Store or bank?”

 

“Store”

 

“I need you. CRAZY DOG + CRAZY KID = CRAZY momma.”

 

Come on now??  Stay with me.

 

Surely, I’m not the only crazy momma out there who has had to call MAY-DAY! at some time or another?

 

It was either call “MAY-DAY” or the other option,

 

“MAN DOWN! MAN-DOWN! We’ve got a MAN-DOWN!”

 

When the wind kicked up and catapulted  into motion the scared, crying boy holding the tiny little dog who was whining for the big dog that was whimpering and scratching the door from the outside in FULL THROTTLE PANIC because of the sudden summer thunderstorm.

 

I could:

a) join the full fledge panic pandemonium

b) say things out loud to make the kids and the dog cry

c) do what I had encouraged my kids to do when things go haywire

 

So, I closed my eyes and whispered,

“Lord, you know that grace and peace we talked about this morning in the calm before this storm? I need both. Grace and peace right now please.”

 

This I know.  He is faithful.

 

Does He always answer so swiftly?  No.

 

Thankfully, today, yes.

 

Both storms, inside and out ceased momentarily.

 

I find it a bit ironic, but not at all, that the boys’ first Bible lesson of the year  was about prayer.

 

We talked at length first thing this morning about how we can pray anytime, anywhere.

 

Eyes open or closed. When it’s calm and when it’s not.

 

We had just discussed the fact that God allows things and circumstances to go haywire at times to bring us back to Him.

 

He wants us to need Him and talk to Him everyday and always.

 

Funny too, that the Lord would have the words grace and peace jump off the page at me  in my time alone with Him.

 

I find it comforting to know, He knew before I knew, exactly the words and thoughts the boys and I would need for the first day back to school.

 

Prayer. Peace. Grace.

 

This is my prayer for you and your crazy house this afternoon.

 

Particularly those of you reading this that may not have a person to help you when the eye of the storm is raging today or any  day for that matter.

 

I’m cheering you on!

 

I’m praying this for you,

 

“Father be the peace in the midst of whatever storm(s) my friends may be facing this afternoon. May your grace enable each one to endure and resist the temptations the enemy may throw their way….May those reading be at peace with You and their people…the “peace that surpasses all understanding”. That sweet peace that comes from knowing and walking with You, the One true God. May You Father, be all that we need. May we honor You in all we think, say and do.  Keep us and sustain us we pray in Jesus name.

 

Love y’all and consider it a privilege to walk along this life journey with you.

 

🙂 K

 

PS…Many of you are a week or so in to BACK TO SCHOOL MODE..  How are things on the home front?  Smooth sailing or a bit stormy?  Let me hear from ya’ …

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Filed Under: #iheart, blog, Everything Else, faith, family, HomeSchool, parenting, storms, the cowboy Tagged With: a call for help, dogs, first day of school, homeschool, parenting, pray without ceasing, prayer, what to do when things go crazy

the world's longest yard sale + life lesson PART TWO

by Karmen |

My heart and mind were playing tug o’ war as I left to go pick up sister banker’s school kids.

 

The cowboy and the rascals left the yard sale for home, or so I thought…

SONY DSC

 

Had I made the best decision? Is one more excavator or backhoe or tractor really THAT big of a deal? It was in mint condition. THAT’s the kind of toys I want him to have. They last.

 

No. You made the best decision. The lesson, if you don’t have the money, you do without until you do. Stop second-guessing yourself. Not getting THAT toy will give him time to think and reflect on ALL that he does have

 

You get the idea, right?

I wrestled, back and forth, as I waited for the bus.

 

The bus finally arrived; I delivered sister’s kids safely home and rushed home to get ready for my date with the cowboy.

 

As I pulled into the driveway I saw the screen door sling open to a WIDE EYED-SMILING-EAR-TO-EAR BOY holding a BRAND-NEW-DIE-CAST-BACKHOE-STILL-IN-THE-BOX.

 

Remain calm. I told my sticky from the humidity, mentally exhausted, given it my darndest to teach the stinkin’ life lesson self as I prepared to exit the car. Remain calm. Don’t snap. My face must have said what the trapped words on the other side of my lips couldn’t.

 

As the WIDE EYED-SMILING-EAR-TO-EAR BOY began to wilt, the cowboy appeared.

 

My eyes must have whispered (subtly-I’m sure. not.) as he followed me past the smiling boy with no money to the backside of the house.

 

Stay calm. c-a-l-m.

 

“Did you buy that toy for him?”

 

“Yes, why?”

 

“Did our son, by chance mention our all-the-live-long-HOT-HUMID day-conversation??? About how if you don’t have the money to buy something- you don’t get it????”

 

“No, he didn’t.”

 

“Okay, well I’m trying not to snap but I really want to snap because all-the-live-long-HOT-HUMID day-I have been talking our little boys through the life lesson of if you don’t have the money then you don’t get the treasure only to come home to find the said treasure in the hands of the little boy with no money!……… Please help me not to snap. I know you didn’t know but now you do-so.help.me.not.to.snap.”

 

“Okay, I’ll handle it from here,” was the cowboy’s calm, confident reply.

 

I stayed at the back of the house until I heard the front screen door close. I could see them walking and talking on their way to the barn.

 

I talked myself down from snapping as I readied for our date.

 

After the barn chores were complete, both boys and the cowboy came back inside and informed me that the still-in-the-box-backhoe would belong to the cowboy until the boy with no money could pay for the said treasure..

 

Problem solved.

 

Over the last week, the boy with no money has been eager to help around the farm.   He’s been busy: cutting weeds, working in the garden & taking out the trash- working hard to pay for his treasure that awaits him.

 

So this year, we’re taking more than a few used but new-to-us treasures home from the world’s longest yard sale. We’re taking home and reflecting upon the importance of:

 

>Hard work pays

>Communication between daddy and momma is essential

>Saying no to some good things so you’ll be able to afford the GREAT things

 

PS. If you are a parenting-pro and already have these things mastered,  can I come live with you?

 

love y’all

J k

 

PSS- This particular life lesson is one I still wrestle with personally. I have been open to share my impulsive mistakes with our boys and others in hopes that they will not have to suffer the consequences of overspending as I have. It’s a hole that takes a LONG time to dig out of …

 

PSSS- What’s been the hardest lesson(s) for you to learn?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: #iheart, family, frugal living, Life ~in our neck of the woods, parenting, the cowboy Tagged With: boys, life lessons, parenting, the cowboy

Is it OK to let them be afraid?

by Karmen |

Clouds unnerve him. Heavy rains torment him. And no, I’m not speaking of our crazy, nervous dog (that’s another post for another day.)

 

I’m speaking of my son.

 

Last night, or wee morning rather, I heard the whimpering as he stumbled around to my side of the bed.

 

With my eyes closed I assured him, “You’re fine son, go back to bed.”

 

“My leg hurts Momma.”

 

You’re fine son, go back to bed.”

A few moments later I slumbered from my bed to be sure he’d made it back to his bed. When he rounded the corner from the restroom, he saw me.

 

“My knee Momma!”

 

“It’s not your knee son, it’s the rain and there’s absolutely no reason for you to be afraid.”

 

Slumped shoulders, overwhelmed with anxiety, he turned towards his room. His eyes pleading with me, “Please make it stop Momma. Make the rain stop! ”

 

As he climbed into bed and I began to tuck him in again, I assured him, “You’re fine son. God made the rain and the sun. He loves you and will keep you, always. Think about Jesus instead of the rain. Sing about Jesus. Say His name. Ask Him, ‘Jesus make me brave.’ I love you son. Goodnight.”

I knew, left alone, on the other side of the door, the battle was on.

 

The spiritual tug o’ war within his tiny little soul, to be scared or to be brave.

 

The choice was his to make.

 

I returned to my bed and began to pray for him.

 

“Be near him Lord Jesus, be near. Help him to be brave. Calm his anxious heart Lord, as only You can. Amen.”

 

When an unexpected battle broke out in my room.

 

He’s scared. Don’t you care? A good mom would lay down with him and sing him back to sleep. A good mom would have just let him sleep in her bed just for tonight. It’s just one night. He’s only six.

Once more, I began to pray.

 

“Be near me Lord Jesus, be near. I know you hear me and care for me. I lift my little one up to You. I know that You are all he needs. You will never leave him, nor will You ever forsake him. Father, I love You and trust You…”

 

When I noticed something, just before I said, “Amen.”

God had heard and answered our prayers by the ceasing of the rain.

fearnot

 

 

Is it okay to let your kids be afraid?

Yes, I believe so.

 

Here’s why.

 

J and I are not always going to be here for our kids. We disappoint them. We are inconsistent, lose our cool and to be quite frank, we bomb this whole parenting thing WAY TOO OFTEN.

 

If, then, we are not steadfast and are limited as to what we can do for our kids then there must be One who is better, more trustworthy?

 

Yes, His name is Jesus.

 

He does not disappoint.

He never grows weary.

He does not change.

His way is best.

 

His word tells us to cast all of our cares upon Him, for He cares for us.

 

He cares that my son is afraid of the rain.

 

I believe, with all of my heart, the most valuable lesson I can offer my son is to exhort him to surrender his fears to the One who says,

 

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you.” Isaiah 41:10

 

He is the One who can speak, “Peace, be still” and the wind and the sea obey Him.

 

My son needs Jesus, more than my son needs me.

 

Life is stormy.

 

Storms with thunder others with lightening, storms of life, many of which we will have little or no control over.

 

It’s best that they know, there is only One who can calm the storms of this life.

 

His name is Jesus.

love y’all

🙂 k

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed Under: #iheart, blog, Everything Else, faith, family, parenting Tagged With: afraid, boys, faith, Jesus, motherhood, parenting, sons

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