Karmen Smith

Whew! What a YEAR!

by |

I wasn’t sure how to begin.

Whew….

WHEW!

WOW.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I’ll let you read and decide. There are plenty of reasons and/or excuses for not writing more often this year or doing more Facebook Lives but mostly life offline has been full.

Dec 12 2019,  HIP HIP HOORAY it’s ADOPTION Day for JAXSON DANIEL SMITH gosh, who knew love could be so deep and so wide in such a short time.  We praise the Lord every. single. day for choosing us for this little joy boy!  He means much to many. Adoption is beautiful, hard and worth every nanosecond!

Dec 19 Our twin sets moved in. Let me clarify just a bit because those words tend to confuse some.  We have two bio boys: Tuck (age 12 at the time) and Jake (age 10)

One week after Jaxson’s adoption decree we welcomed home two more boys: David (age 12) and his younger brother Ayden (age 10) See?  Two sets of twins: two twelves and two tens just six days before Christmas and seven days after adopting a baby because why not?  I’d love to share more details of our first Christmas together as Smith party of seven except that I can’t because it truly was a blur!  I remember being blessed beyond measure by our community.  I remember lots of smiles and tears because it was a heck of a transition but gosh, looking back helps us to see how far we’ve come! David turned 13 at the end of the Dec. making us parents of a TEEN!  I see more smiles now than then and was recently asked if it’s okay if he calls me “mom.”  Wow. What a year.

January 1 We gathered with the extended family for our annual New Year woodcutting session.  More hands made lighter work for all! woohoo

Jan 19 We’re off to the Smokies with the whole gang.  Mom, dad, both of my sisters, spouses and all the children=18 people and a dog named Waylon inside one LOUD cabin for an unforgettable weekend.  Whew!  What a year.

February 2 #DEMODAY for our back porch renovation project compliments of Vintage Pickin’ Passion Project!!!

April Wilks and many of the amazing Vintage Pickin’ fans, family and friends gave their time and hard-earned money to bless our socks off! Josh Miller and his construction crew transformed our back porch into a living space and loft area where two of the boys could sleep meaning baby Jax (who had been sleeping in a pack-n-play in my closet) could MOVE OUT! Woohoo!! What a year!

March the cowboy turned a whopping 44!

April  Baby Jax turned 1!  and Tucker Wayne is 13! What?! Two teens?  This is getting good.  Also, in April because I was certain I’ve been wasting my time and yours talking so much about the book I’ve been writing for fo-ever  I went to one-more-writing retreat so Suzie Eller could tell me to forget it but instead, she said “Your book baby is way overdue. Submit the proposal is ready.”   I haven’t. I’m still scared which is funny because the book has much to say about fear.  Another reason to write it -to read it.  whew.  what a year.

May is May is May.. the wackiest month of the year for you, your friends and us every day and at the feed store. Flowers. Gardens and Mother’s Day which is the day we dedicated baby J to the Lord, hosted a family picnic and I headed to Oklahoma to speak at a Mastermind Conference hosted by Danna Larson, the mastermind behind Rural Revival.  My topic: How to Keep Going When You Want to Quit!  I made a few new forever friends and visited the Pioneer Woman’s lodge.  While in OK I decided I want to be Ree when I grow up!  WHOA! WHOA!  What a year!

June 17th I turned 42, steeped out of denial and into the optometrist office where the Dr. prescribed bifocals (cue eye roll) but that’s small potatoes compared to the happenings that shook down on

June 27th when we stood before the judge, family and friends to ADOPT & decree DAVID & AYDEN a forever home!  Thank you, Lord, for the beauty and brokenness of adoption!  WOW! WHAT A YEAR!

July the boy I begged God for oh-so-many years ago and I headed to Brooklyn, NY to serve alongside a great group of kids at a local church. He and the team of teens served well.  I had the great honor and privilege to speak at the local church where our youth served and to a sister church of Chinese women via a translator.  WOW! What a year!

August we brought in two toddlers to foster for a couple of months making us Smith party of nine for a time.  Three toddlers, two pre-teens and 2 teens had us considering starting a reality show because you can’t make this stuff up any more than I could have made up the details God worked out so I could fly back to Oklahoma for a day to meet friends and pray for our gritty gal, Brooke.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer the-very-day-she-gave-birth-to-her-first baby, Elsie James. Read more of her story at Rural Gone Urban.  Whoa! What a year!

September meant soccer was in full swing and the fair came to town which was great but not as great as a farm the cowboy convinced me to “just ride out and see.”

The farm God moved us to make an offer that was accepted.

The farm that prompted us to list our home-sweet-home-farm in real estate.

October 5th we celebrated twenty-three years of love and matrimony.

A week later Jake, (our youngest bio boy) and I flew south with a group from church to the Dominican Republic. I spoke to women at a marriage conference via Heidy, the sweetest translator on the planet, experienced the most gracious hospitality and coffee- strong & delicious.

Thank you, Father, for your love and matchless grace. Thank you for the faces I cannot forget as well as the privilege of serving along side our boy and the medical team.  You are worthy.

November the month of Thanksgiving.  The month spent thanking God for so many good years here on our farm on Lookout Mountain.  The month of Thanksgiving for the countless people He’s sent our way, the innumerable prayers prayed and answered within these walls. The month spent cleaning and showing and cleaning out. Whoa. Whoa. What a year.

December 12 brings us back to where we started a year ago as we celebrated GOTCHA DAY fro baby J! A whole year of loving +laughing and training baby Jax and

Dec. 13th

WE CLOSED ON the NEW FARM which means

WE ARE MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are packing and moving in faith because God is going to sell this farm to a couple or person, or family who will cherish it as much or more than we have.  I wish we could sit on the porch and share with you the many and varied details God has orchestrated in closing this all out because it’s simply supernatural. He IS faithful.  We give Him every.ounce of GLORY! Truly.

So, aside from a few wacky stories from my sister, Lily, who has also started fostering,  Tuck’s really-bad-terrible case of poison ivy, our camping trip to the beach where the boys saw a gator, the roller coaster of small business, the many and varied called family meetings because parenting prepubescent teen boys is hard, the two times we’ve called nurse Katie to make sure Jason wasn’t having heart attacks that turned out to be pain from the shoulder he had surgery on five days before Christmas I think we’re caught up.

Oh, except that we are selling the feed store (which I will share more about SOON) and I am starting a NEW JOB teaching second grade at Cornerstone Christian Academy in Jan.

CHEERS friends, to ONE HECK-OF-A YEAR and the NEW YEAR to come!

One more quick thing before we go. Lean in.  This is for you.

This isn’t dress rehearsal!

As we turn the corner and head into a fresh decade I challenge you to get on your knees or on your face before God.  Praise Him for who He is!  Sing to Him for ALL He has done around you, in you and through so many of you this year and then, beg Him to tell you how you can GLORIFY Him in the up and coming year!

When He tells you..and He will.

Get out there and get after it!! Maybe he wants you to stay put? or just maybe He wants you to move to a new land? to foster? adopt? to sing? to give? save? GO? to write? paint? pray? serve? teach? stay home and mother the kids you begged Him for? marry? serve Him in singleness?  I don’t know and maybe you don’t> but He does!

God is FAITHFUL Even if we’re scared!

Happiest of NEW YEARS to you and yours!!!

P.S. Yes,  I am still speaking.  I will post dates soon and would be thrilled if you would grab your favorite gal pal and join us!

Court & Why I Won’t Stop Crying

by |

Court.

Until we started fostering, I’d never been in a courtroom. Court sounded scary and intimidating but after going a few times I learned to hope for the best- expect anything.

Although I can tell you no catchy little cliché’ could’ve prepared me for what happened at our last day in court. I was alone. Jason was shoeing horses which was fine because neither of us saw it coming.

It was a full house. I scanned the room for a familiar face and quickly made my way to the back after I’d spotted a young couple fairly new to town who are super passionate about fostering. We were making small talk when I caught sight of my caseworker motioning me her way. In times past we’d gathered in the hallway but she headed to the back where the lawyers were- where big decisions were made.

“Well. I didn’t see this coming. Are you ready? This is what they’re offering….”

I could see her lips moving as we sat in the tiny side room with no windows but could hardly hear for the dialogue going on inside my head.

“I need to call Jason.”

And I did. Or I tried. He was in an area with patchy service and before I knew it I was shouting just before I hung up.

“I’m going to step out for a minute to give you time to process.”

“Thanks. Yeah, I’m gonna need a minute.”

Is this real life?  Adopt two more? The ink is hardly dry from adopting Jax.

I kept dialing and was about to give up when he finally called back.

“Hey babe, can you hear me?”

“Did you hear me????? Adoption! They’re ready to move towards adoption.”

The rest of the conversation is off the record but when I left the room I couldn’t stop crying.

Our caseworker said the paperwork would take a few minutes if I didn’t mind to wait.

We must’ve been in the tiny room longer than I thought because when I came out the courtroom was nearly empty which was fine because I couldn’t stop crying.

Alone. Crying and waiting in disbelief when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.

“Ma’am. I don’t know what you’re going through but I want you to know it’s all going to work out. It’s going to be okay. God is good.”

I did my best to muster a nod of gratitude but honestly didn’t pay much mind to the stranger.

Until today.

Tucker and I had gone to Walmart to pick up a few things for the darling little girl who arrived at our house late Saturday night. I’d sent him on ahead to the car as I finished at the register. I was looking down at my receipt when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.

“Excuse me ma’am, were you in court a while back?”

“Yes.”

Hello, strange man with a long white beard.

“I was there. I spoke to you.”

“Oh yeah…I remember now.”

Shaking my head in disbelief-I kept my cart moving forward as the stranger continued walking, talking and pushing his buggy right alongside me.

“Do you remember I told you everything was going to be okay?”

“Yes, yes sir I do. And you’re not going to believe this but the kids I was so broken and crying over that day are being adopted tomorrow! We are adopting them.”

He smiled and I laughed in shock at the grace-filled conversation we were having as we pushed our carts to a stop just outside the door.

I couldn’t believe it! The very same man who had tapped me on the shoulder to encourage me in court was the very same man walking and talking with me into the parking lot at Walmart today!! And he wasn’t crazy. The man knows Jesus.

As have many of you, I’ve met and served lots of crazy, whimsical, off-the-wall-people. We all agree they’re out there. But this guy, the bearded, white-haired guy spoke the truth in the Walmart parking lot today.

“God is at work. He’s working all of this out. Keep following Him. He is faithful. God is good.”

“Yes. Yes sir, He is…”

I had to walk away. I had to go and tell someone what had just happened. Tucker was in the front seat when I lifted the back hatch.

“Son!! You’re not going to believe what just happened.”

“Momma are you okay? Why are you crying?”

I couldn’t stop. And I won’t stop.

Crying over the faithfulness of our good, good Father.
Crying over kind words spoken in due season.
Crying over broken children being adopted because their souls are worth it!

much love,

 

 

P.S. So incase you missed it–TOMORROW-(JUNE 27th) IS ADOPTION DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

We are adopting a set of brothers.  They are fearfully and wonderfully made and about to be loved deeply by a whole new herd of people now and forever!  The boys are the same ages as our big boys which means we have: two 13s, two 11s and baby Jax who is 14 months .  So, now you know how to pray for us.  LOL  And for the little darling we are fostering who just happens to be 8 days younger than Jax so there are essentially three sets of twins in the house which is totally no big deal, except when I type it and why we stand in desperate need of God’s grace every minute of every day!

We covet your prayers.

Father,
Your way is perfect. Thank you, for visiting me through the stranger in the courtroom and again at Walmart. I stand in awe of your timing. Your grace is truly all-sufficient. Fix our eyes as we trust you and walk forward more faithful than fearful into the courtroom tomorrow. When we enter as a family of five and leave as a family of seven- be magnified!!! You are the reason we live and breathe and move.

Let’s chat: Summer, 3 “F” Words & a Birthday

by |

Dearest friends,

How are you?  Let’s catch up!

First, if you are reading this post, you survived May.  All the praise hands and KUDOS to you!

Next, let’s discuss summer. Do you prefer planning or a more haphazard-let-come-what-may-approach?

I lean more towards the come-what-may approach but have found as an adult it is helpful if I will plan but then, there’s the follow-through… #goodgrief

The boys and I have already had our first ‘come to Jesus meeting’ because they prefer to stay drunk on fun.  I’d love to hear your suggestions in comments on how you balance downtime and the plethora of summer activities.

Now, Facebook Live.  I love and appreciate how you help make this space matter and less awkward because for me (even as a speaker)- Facebook Live is awkward.   I’m not sure if it’s because I feel like I am talking to myself or if it’s the whole propping-staging the phone on the ironing board at an angle that doesn’t show my turkey neck or deep brow wrinkles. I haven’t justified buying a tripod yet because well, I still weigh it all out.

We can discuss these things and more next Tuesday, June 13th at 9 PM (Central) MARK YOUR CALENDARS for our fourth Facebook Live.  We are going to start our discussion of why bad things happen and what to do with suffering.  Over the next several weeks I am going to share seven secrets I’ve learned along the way, and I’m anxious to hear your feedback.  A lot of what we discuss is going to be in the book I am writing.  If you missed the previous Facebook Lives where I am working through the awkward, you could go HERE to view.

Next, yes, the farm is still for sale.  We had a lady from Texas this past weekend come and view and we thought it was a goner, but she made an offer on another.  We have since my last post drawn lines and now have a mini-farm buying option.  The house, one barn, the pond and five acres as an option.  Feel free to email me with serious inquiries.

We are approaching our one-year anniversary as foster parents.  We have two boys with us right now (thus explaining my absence online).  I am looking forward to sharing much of what we have learned over the last year through fostering.  Would a Facebook Live or written post be better?  Let me know your preference in comments.

Finally, saving the best for last.  Babies don’t keep.  I know I say it every year because it’s true! Our little boy is NINE today!!!! N-I-N-E.  Why must that number sound so grown-y?  Why must it be his last year of single digits?? Already???  Why won’t he fit in my lap anymore?

Yesterday we took him to Lake Winnie because he’s asked us to every.single.day.since his last birthday which was exactly 364 days ago.  I would not lie to you.  (insert wide-eyed-emoji!) So, we took him because we love him not because we love theme parks. You can see his exuberant joy if you follow us on Instagram.

I thanked God this morning for fearfully and wonderfully making our little man so strong, healthy and kind.  He is a nurturer by nature, a cuddle bug and had the sweetest tiny voice as a babe.  God is doing great things through his fearless faith.  He reminds me often through his brave acts not to put God in a box. I am going now to make him nine small pancakes to start his day and leave you with this video of him. We replay it every year on his birthday.  Here’s why.

 

Happy Tuesday,

K

P.S. I have updated the SPEAKING page and would love for you to make plans to join us if you are in the area or better yet, gather your girls and I will come and join you!

 

He left and I couldn’t stop crying

by |

Maybe a sip of water will help.  

The lump rising in my throat caused my voice to crack,  “Yeah. Sure, we can meet at the store later this afternoon.”

Another unexpected-all-to-sudden departure.

Foster care.  I love it and hate it with all of my heart.  Truly.

Last night from the porch while the frogs at the pond sang us a song I rocked that sweet baby to sleep and heaven felt so near.  It’s those little moments of peace and hope that keep me from quitting.

When he left this afternoon, I couldn’t quit crying.  Maybe it was because he’s a baby or maybe it was because he wouldn’t quit smiling or maybe it was the third goodbye in less than 12 hours.  Who knows why? I texted the placement supervisor and case worker for two of the three kids we’ve had this week, “Three goodbyes in two days is too hard.  We’re going to need a few days for our hearts to heal.”

It hurts.  Bad.

We bring them in, set up their area, give them a tour of our home and farm and welcome them to their “right-now-home-sweet-home.”  Some stay a few days, others a couple of weeks or few months at best. During training, it is clearly stated and often said the ultimate goal is to reunite the children with their parents or people as soon as possible and I get it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

If one more person asks me, “Don’t you get attached?”  I may snap.

OF COURSE, WE GET ATTACHED!

IS this thing on? Can you hear me now? 

YES!!! WE-GET-ATTACHED!

Then why keep on? Why continue fostering if you know you’re going to end up hurting?

Because once you know, they’re out there and are in need of care you can’t NOT know.  

It’s sobering really how much I thought I knew about fostering having taught public school but as it turns out, I know very little.  Nine months and 19 children later I have observed and made notes of these things:

  • Every case, every face, every story so unique and very similar.
  • Hugs are a universal language.
  • Stuff: excessive toys, a plethora of shoes, clothing and or tech gadgets are not necessities.  They are luxuries.
  • A warm shower, clean bed, and kindness go a long way.
  • Always say goodbye and leave on good terms.  Life can be up on its head in a moment.
  • I thought through fostering we would and could change the world one child at a time.  What I have experienced through fostering is that children are often the best teachers, and I have much to learn.

J and I, with head and hearts still reeling from the week, were talking before bed when he precisely expressed how I felt.

“It’s like a little death when each one leaves. Like a little part of us is gone.”

Yes.

Death.

It is nothing new nor is it a respecter of persons. Many of you have walked through the valley, and the shadows before as have we.

Even my Savior was not exempt.

Good Friday is the day Jesus died for you and me. Good Friday is the day I delivered our oldest son after years of barrenness and loss.  It is a day I have grown to respect, cherish and hold dear only this year was different. Deeper. Heavier. Much heavier.  It held both weight and wings.  Waking to celebrate Tucker’s 11 years of life and ending with a heartbreaking goodbye to a little one we loved like our own.

It would be easy to quit.  It would feel better to close our doors and say no more.  We could play it safe, love them less and silence the ringer on our phones.  We could stop believing that it matters and doubt that God is working all things together for good.  We could.

“When belief in God becomes difficult, the tendency is to turn away from Him but in heaven’s name to what?” ~G.K. Chesterton

…but in heaven’s name to what?  That’s my favorite part.

..”to what?

The word what brings to mind a few more questions:

What IF it does matter?

What if we are making a difference?

What if this was the best week of that child’s life?

What more can we do to let them know they are loved?

What could we do to help them hurt less?

So what if caring is a risky business?

What if death is the beginning of a new life?

Yes.

I say a BIG FAT Y-E-S to all of the above.

What will you say?  And before you say you can’t please consider what you can do as you read through some of the things others near and dear to us have done.  We could not do it without help. Again to your question, “How do you do it all?”

Quite simply, I DON’T.

We don’t.

There are LOTS and LOTS of people in our family and community who have helped.

Consider these from just this past week:

  • One sister came and held the baby and chatted with the new kids on the block while I did paperwork and talked with case workers.
  • Mother cooked us supper the night the three extra children arrived while I got their belonging settled.
  • A brother-in-law mowed our yard because it needed it.   One of our boys broke the key off in the ignition of our lawnmower. #benearmeLordJesus
  • Dad let us borrow his suburban because our car is not safe for a family of seven.
  • Another sister bought some snacks and personal items for the girls.
  • A local church rallied together and made basic care packs for foster children. They then blessed us by sharing items the children needed.
  • A friend gave me a shoulder to cry on when the last one left us just five days later.

See?  Foster care is not a solo mission.  I didn’t write this post for sympathy or a pat on the back.  It isn’t about me.  I am using what God has given me, this space for His honor and glory. I share these stories as a reminder-It takes us all. I hope you’ll say yes and get involved some way somehow because life is better when it’s lived together.

Oh, and when DHR calls again, and they will, we will say yes.  We will say hello and goodbye, we will laugh and cry, and finally, I will wipe the warm tears and know that I’m alive.

Happy Resurrection Day!

 

 

P.S.  Because it’s fitting and my favorite poem on the planet….  I read Risk for the first time while in college.  I copied it, laminated it, cut it out and hung it by my desk and read it every single day that I taught public school.  I have it in the front of my calendar now.  I hope it pierces you in the way it does me each and every time.

Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose your feelings is to risk
exposing your true self
To place your ideal, your dreams before a crowd
is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure
Yet risks must be taken
Because the greatest hazard in life is risking
NOTHINGThe person who risks nothing
Does nothing
Has nothing
Is nothing