Court & Why I Won’t Stop Crying

by Karmen |

Court.

Until we started fostering, I’d never been in a courtroom. Court sounded scary and intimidating but after going a few times I learned to hope for the best- expect anything.

Although I can tell you no catchy little cliché’ could’ve prepared me for what happened at our last day in court. I was alone. Jason was shoeing horses which was fine because neither of us saw it coming.

It was a full house. I scanned the room for a familiar face and quickly made my way to the back after I’d spotted a young couple fairly new to town who are super passionate about fostering. We were making small talk when I caught sight of my caseworker motioning me her way. In times past we’d gathered in the hallway but she headed to the back where the lawyers were- where big decisions were made.

“Well. I didn’t see this coming. Are you ready? This is what they’re offering….”

I could see her lips moving as we sat in the tiny side room with no windows but could hardly hear for the dialogue going on inside my head.

“I need to call Jason.”

And I did. Or I tried. He was in an area with patchy service and before I knew it I was shouting just before I hung up.

“I’m going to step out for a minute to give you time to process.”

“Thanks. Yeah, I’m gonna need a minute.”

Is this real life? Adopt two more? The ink is hardly dry from adopting Jax.

I kept dialing and was about to give up when he finally called back.

“Hey babe, can you hear me?”

“Did you hear me????? Adoption! They’re ready to move towards adoption.”

The rest of the conversation is off the record but when I left the room I couldn’t stop crying.

Our caseworker said the paperwork would take a few minutes if I didn’t mind to wait.

We must’ve been in the tiny room longer than I thought because when I came out the courtroom was nearly empty which was fine because I couldn’t stop crying.

Alone. Crying and waiting in disbelief when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.

“Ma’am. I don’t know what you’re going through but I want you to know it’s all going to work out. It’s going to be okay. God is good.”

I did my best to muster a nod of gratitude but honestly didn’t pay much mind to the stranger.

Until today.

Tucker and I had gone to Walmart to pick up a few things for the darling little girl who arrived at our house late Saturday night. I’d sent him on ahead to the car as I finished at the register. I was looking down at my receipt when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.

“Excuse me ma’am, were you in court a while back?”

“Yes.”

Hello, strange man with a long white beard.

“I was there. I spoke to you.”

“Oh yeah…I remember now.”

Shaking my head in disbelief-I kept my cart moving forward as the stranger continued walking, talking and pushing his buggy right alongside me.

“Do you remember I told you everything was going to be okay?”

“Yes, yes sir I do. And you’re not going to believe this but the kids I was so broken and crying over that day are being adopted tomorrow! We are adopting them.”

He smiled and I laughed in shock at the grace-filled conversation we were having as we pushed our carts to a stop just outside the door.

I couldn’t believe it! The very same man who had tapped me on the shoulder to encourage me in court was the very same man walking and talking with me into the parking lot at Walmart today!! And he wasn’t crazy. The man knows Jesus.

As have many of you, I’ve met and served lots of crazy, whimsical, off-the-wall-people. We all agree they’re out there. But this guy, the bearded, white-haired guy spoke the truth in the Walmart parking lot today.

“God is at work. He’s working all of this out. Keep following Him. He is faithful. God is good.”

“Yes. Yes sir, He is…”

I had to walk away. I had to go and tell someone what had just happened. Tucker was in the front seat when I lifted the back hatch.

“Son!! You’re not going to believe what just happened.”

“Momma are you okay? Why are you crying?”

I couldn’t stop. And I won’t stop.

Crying over the faithfulness of our good, good Father.
Crying over kind words spoken in due season.
Crying over broken children being adopted because their souls are worth it!

much love,

P.S. So incase you missed it–TOMORROW-(JUNE 27th) IS ADOPTION DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

We are adopting a set of brothers. They are fearfully and wonderfully made and about to be loved deeply by a whole new herd of people now and forever! The boys are the same ages as our big boys which means we have: two 13s, two 11s and baby Jax who is 14 months . So, now you know how to pray for us. LOL And for the little darling we are fostering who just happens to be 8 days younger than Jax so there are essentially three sets of twins in the house which is totally no big deal, except when I type it and why we stand in desperate need of God’s grace every minute of every day!

We covet your prayers.

Father,
Your way is perfect. Thank you, for visiting me through the stranger in the courtroom and again at Walmart. I stand in awe of your timing. Your grace is truly all-sufficient. Fix our eyes as we trust you and walk forward more faithful than fearful into the courtroom tomorrow. When we enter as a family of five and leave as a family of seven- be magnified!!! You are the reason we live and breathe and move.

LOVED BABY review

by Karmen |

Five days. That’s it. Then, he left and I couldn’t stop crying.

He first arrived on a Monday, left on Good Friday and I can assure you it felt anything but “good.” DHR had located distant relatives who were willing and able to take him. When much to our surprise and great delight just five weeks later I received a phone call asking if we could take him again. Some things had come up disqualifying the distant relatives from eligibility.

This time, we had him just over seven months and now he’s gone.

Foster care. I liken it to standing in the middle of the road and then, being surprised when you’re hit by a car. We knew it would come. We knew when we took him we would eventually have to say, “Goodbye.” Still, there are no classes or training that prepares you for the goodbye.

Unlike many of the children who have visited our home, this one has a bunch of people who love and want him. I’m glad. He’s easy to love.

The part I can’t be glad about is the pain. Gosh, it hurts!! I tell myself we should be used to loss by now and yet, are we ever ready to lose? Lose a loved one? Lose the dream? Lose the happily ever after?

I know the Lord is close to the broken-hearted. I trust He is working all of this for our good and His glory but man, I still don’t like it!

To add insult to injury his leaving came on the anniversary delivery date of our second stillborn. Karson Elizabeth was born perfectly still on January 5, 2005. I wished I’d had Sarah’s words during our season of loss and yet God is always on time.

Back in the fall, while scrolling through Facebook, I stumbled across Sarah Philpott’s book, Loved Baby, 31 Devotions Helping You Grieve and Cherish Your Child After Pregnancy Loss. The book had not yet been released so I clicked on the link to learn more. I watched the trailer and felt compelled to reach out to the author and launch team. The long and short of the story, it’s a small world after all. Sarah and I share a couple mutual friends, I asked to be on the launch team and they said yes. I’m so glad they did.

This devotional is a classic. It is a timeless treasure chalked full of wisdom. This book is a classic gift as well as a great resource for those who have experienced loss. Sarah is authentic. She speaks to us through the pages of this book from the heart and it feels as though we’re sitting together on the porch. She connects with the reader and we are a people craving sincere connection particularly during seasons of loss.

While reading through this book the Lord brought several of my friends to mind. Some friends who have grieved well and others who are stuck. I have given some books away and want to give away another to one of YOU!! We will talk more about that in a minute.

Initially, I thought this book would be a great gift and resource for me to give for to others and that’s the primary reason I reached out. However, I was surprised and a bit taken back by how much I needed Sarah’s words of encouragement during this most recent season of loss.

Countless times while ministering to others I have declared, “Pain is pain. Whether you loved the baby growing in your womb that was taken too soon, or the baby lived two years or twenty-two. Loss hurts. Maybe you are like us? Perhaps the loved baby was never yours and yet you loved without abandon. No matter the details to lose someone we love HURTS!

Sarah has done her research. In this book, she has included great resources, suggested prayers, ways to memorialize your loss and lastly, my most favorite part, SOUL WORK is included in each chapter.

Saturday afternoon, I was sad. Suffocatingly sad. I asked J to take me on a date. I needed to get out of the house. We quickly worked a plan for the boys. I washed my face, got out of my yoga pants, put on my boots, grabbed my makeup bag, & my Loved Baby book before heading out the door. I wasn’t sure if J would be ready to talk and I wasn’t sure if I could talk without crying. I thought the book might be a good distraction. I often say during times of crisis, “We have two choices: laugh or cry?” Laughter through the Tears is the title of Chapter 10 in her book and these timely words were just the reminder our aching hearts needed.

I can’t say enough how much I have enjoyed this little book and believe you will too.

With all of my heart, I believe life is better together and I want to hear from you! Please share in comments the names of your Loved Baby or (babies) and/or a simple prayer request if you or a loved one have suffered a recent loss. I will select a random winner from comments next Monday, January 15, 2018.

If you simply cannot wait and want to get your copy (or many!) today visit Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

You’ll want to connect with Sarah online! Sarah Philpott, PhD, is a mother of three young children and farmwife to her highschool sweetheart. A former elementary school teacher, and founder of the Loved Baby support group and #HonorAllMoms Mother’s Day movement. (See why I connected with her??!)(We’re like sisters from another mother!)

Much Love,

P.S. FACEBOOK LIVE tonight–> at 7:00–>Discussing in greater detail “How to keep you eyes on Jesus when they’re full of tears?” “What do you do with a broken heart?” “What does it look like to follow your faith instead of your feelings?” Follow and JOIN US by clicking HERE!!!

He left and I couldn’t stop crying

by Karmen |

Maybe a sip of water will help.

The lump rising in my throat caused my voice to crack, “Yeah. Sure, we can meet at the store later this afternoon.”

Another unexpected-all-to-sudden departure.

Foster care. I love it and hate it with all of my heart. Truly.

Last night from the porch while the frogs at the pond sang us a song I rocked that sweet baby to sleep and heaven felt so near. It’s those little moments of peace and hope that keep me from quitting.

When he left this afternoon, I couldn’t quit crying. Maybe it was because he’s a baby or maybe it was because he wouldn’t quit smiling or maybe it was the third goodbye in less than 12 hours. Who knows why? I texted the placement supervisor and case worker for two of the three kids we’ve had this week, “Three goodbyes in two days is too hard. We’re going to need a few days for our hearts to heal.”

It hurts. Bad.

We bring them in, set up their area, give them a tour of our home and farm and welcome them to their “right-now-home-sweet-home.” Some stay a few days, others a couple of weeks or few months at best. During training, it is clearly stated and often said the ultimate goal is to reunite the children with their parents or people as soon as possible and I get it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

If one more person asks me, “Don’t you get attached?” I may snap.

OF COURSE, WE GET ATTACHED!

IS this thing on? Can you hear me now?

YES!!! WE-GET-ATTACHED!

Then why keep on? Why continue fostering if you know you’re going to end up hurting?

Because once you know, they’re out there and are in need of care you can’t NOT know.

It’s sobering really how much I thought I knew about fostering having taught public school but as it turns out, I know very little. Nine months and 19 children later I have observed and made notes of these things:

Every case, every face, every story so unique and very similar.
Hugs are a universal language.
Stuff: excessive toys, a plethora of shoes, clothing and or tech gadgets are not necessities. They are luxuries.
A warm shower, clean bed, and kindness go a long way.
Always say goodbye and leave on good terms. Life can be up on its head in a moment.
I thought through fostering we would and could change the world one child at a time. What I have experienced through fostering is that children are often the best teachers, and I have much to learn.

J and I, with head and hearts still reeling from the week, were talking before bed when he precisely expressed how I felt.

“It’s like a little death when each one leaves. Like a little part of us is gone.”

Yes.

Death.

It is nothing new nor is it a respecter of persons. Many of you have walked through the valley, and the shadows before as have we.

Even my Savior was not exempt.

Good Friday is the day Jesus died for you and me. Good Friday is the day I delivered our oldest son after years of barrenness and loss. It is a day I have grown to respect, cherish and hold dear only this year was different. Deeper. Heavier. Much heavier. It held both weight and wings. Waking to celebrate Tucker’s 11 years of life and ending with a heartbreaking goodbye to a little one we loved like our own.

It would be easy to quit. It would feel better to close our doors and say no more. We could play it safe, love them less and silence the ringer on our phones. We could stop believing that it matters and doubt that God is working all things together for good. We could.

“When belief in God becomes difficult, the tendency is to turn away from Him but in heaven’s name to what?” ~G.K. Chesterton

…but in heaven’s name to what? That’s my favorite part.

..”to what?

The word what brings to mind a few more questions:

What IF it does matter?

What if we are making a difference?

What if this was the best week of that child’s life?

What more can we do to let them know they are loved?

What could we do to help them hurt less?

So what if caring is a risky business?

What if death is the beginning of a new life?

Yes.

I say a BIG FAT Y-E-S to all of the above.

What will you say? And before you say you can’t please consider what you can do as you read through some of the things others near and dear to us have done. We could not do it without help. Again to your question, “How do you do it all?”

Quite simply, I DON’T.

We don’t.

There are LOTS and LOTS of people in our family and community who have helped.

Consider these from just this past week:

One sister came and held the baby and chatted with the new kids on the block while I did paperwork and talked with case workers.
Mother cooked us supper the night the three extra children arrived while I got their belonging settled.
A brother-in-law mowed our yard because it needed it. One of our boys broke the key off in the ignition of our lawnmower. #benearmeLordJesus
Dad let us borrow his suburban because our car is not safe for a family of seven.
Another sister bought some snacks and personal items for the girls.
A local church rallied together and made basic care packs for foster children. They then blessed us by sharing items the children needed.
A friend gave me a shoulder to cry on when the last one left us just five days later.

See? Foster care is not a solo mission. I didn’t write this post for sympathy or a pat on the back. It isn’t about me. I am using what God has given me, this space for His honor and glory. I share these stories as a reminder-It takes us all. I hope you’ll say yes and get involved some way somehow because life is better when it’s lived together.

Oh, and when DHR calls again, and they will, we will say yes. We will say hello and goodbye, we will laugh and cry, and finally, I will wipe the warm tears and know that I’m alive.

Happy Resurrection Day!

P.S. Because it’s fitting and my favorite poem on the planet…. I read Risk for the first time while in college. I copied it, laminated it, cut it out and hung it by my desk and read it every single day that I taught public school. I have it in the front of my calendar now. I hope it pierces you in the way it does me each and every time.

Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose your feelings is to risk
exposing your true self
To place your ideal, your dreams before a crowd
is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return

To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure

Yet risks must be taken
Because the greatest hazard in life is risking
NOTHINGThe person who risks nothing
Does nothing
Has nothing
Is nothing

One thing to try if you’re dreading the holidays

by Karmen |

The best way to finish something is to start.

We could start with how many times I’ve started this post in my head, or we could start with the come-apart I had in the car on the day 14 days ago. Thankfully no children were present, and only the passerby in the parking lot saw me ~~screaming~~ talking to myself.

If you’ve seen Summer School when the character, Chainsaw, overwhelmed with stress grabs his head, while taking a test & SCREAMS at the top of his lungs, “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! “Tention breaker. Had to be done.”

Anyone in need of a tension breaker?

Yesterday my oldest son declared, “Tomorrow it will only 27 days until Christmas.” Which is precious and absolutely delightful because it is the most-wonderful-time-of-the-year except that it’s ONLY 27 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!! #forcryingoutloud

October was like two seconds, and now we are two days shy of wrapping November raging full throttle into the holiday season.

Ferris Bueller was right. “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Which brings me back to my last post- if you missed the video where I hid on my porch and trapped the cat in the bathroom (who has since been hit by a car and gone on to kitty-cat heaven), you could watch it HERE. The video. Not the cat.

In that post, I shared how we dove head first into foster care and discussed a bit about why I was stepping back from speaking events to tend better to the littles God had placed or allowed to visit our home.

A lot has changed since that post. For the sake of privacy & without going into great detail, I can tell you we savored our months as a family of five but now are back to being a family of four. It’s been eleven days since the little one that left us forever changed had to go. We’ve been cherishing sweet memories, and are re-establishing a new normal.

Just yesterday at church I had someone say, “You’ve walked this road before.” Speaking of years ago & our seasons of grief after we lost our son and then a daughter to preterm labor.

“Yes and no,” was my tearful reply.

Yes, we have experienced loss and sorrow before but none like this.

It’s different.

We, meaning our whole extended family, store family, church family loved hard and fell fast for the little one God sent our way that we were sure would be with us forever until he wasn’t.

Many have said, “Well, this is part of it.” Meaning loving and losing is part of fostering.

To that, yes, it’s very much like standing in the road and then being surprised when you are hit by a car but can anyone ever be ready to be hit by a car?

A recent & frequently asked question,

“Now what?”

WE GIVE THANKS.

Thanksgiving was bittersweet. We dressed as we do on Thanksgiving Day as Pilgrims, Indians and cowboy outlaws.

We hooked the buggy and rode to the feast.

We said the blessing,

ate lots of food, played whiffle ball with family and friends, laughed a lot & then, we cried for the ones who were missing.

“In everything gives thanks” doesn’t happen by accident. When life knocks the breath out of you and our hearts break we have to CHOOSE thanksgiving sometimes even on Thanksgiving.

WE TRUST.

We are trusting God to make it all matter. My nephew told his mother the evening after he heard our news, “Some days are happy. Some days are sad. This day is a sad day.”

Romans 8:28 is one of our go-to verses. We believe God works all things for good for those who love Him, those whom He has called according to His purposes. That doesn’t mean all things are good because there are many, many things in this life that are not good but God in His wonder, and amazing grace can use those things too. He can and will use it for our good and His glory.